"Thank you for staying alive!" a soft whisper dragged me back into awareness. I opened my eyes for the first time, in what felt like a year.
I gasped silently. I was in a hospital bed. I glanced down at my stomach in fear. Then I looked up to see Payton right in front of me, as a burst of realization overcame me.
"Where's my baby?" I whispered coarsly. Overwhelmed by the sudden pain I felt in every inch of my body, I did my best to hide it.
I whipped my head up and my eyes tore aroung the room franticly. I saw my parents exchange shocked, then worried looks.
I stared expectently at the man who I presumed was the doctor. The enthusiasm in the lean, but muscular, blond man dropped instantly. I was sure that my baby had died.
He looked down at the ground momentarily but then looked up and told me, "Your daughter is in the other room, on a respirator. She would have been healthy, but unfortunately she was born with hypoxia and a Congenital heart defect." I got really distraught when he said that, "Congenital heart defects (CHD's) change the normal flow of blood through the heart.
"There are many different types of CHD's. Your daughter was adversely born with Patent ductus arteriosus, or PDA, a heart condition that is normal but reverses soon after birth. In a persistent PDA, there is an irregular transmission of blood between two of the most important arteries in close proximity to the heart. Although the ductus arteriosus normally seals off within a few days, in PDA, the newborn's ductus arteriosus does not close, but remains patent.
"PDA is common in neonates with persistent respiratory problems such as hypoxia, and has a high occurrence in premature children. In hypoxic newborns, too little oxygen reaches the lungs to produce sufficient levels of bradykinin and subsequent closing of the DA. Premature children are more likely to be hypoxic and thus have PDA because of their underdeveloped heart and lungs."
"Is...is she going to d...die?" I stuttered questioningly. I had honestly only understood half of what he had told me.
"There is a high possibility that she will not reach the age of 21... There is medical treatments and surgerys to TRY to fix it. But there is no real cure yet."
"How will she behave, with this disease?" my mom asked him impatiently.
"Well...every patient is different, but to get the best possible understanding of PDA I would strongly recommend doing some research on the topic," with that he exitted the room with his head hung low. He obviously didn't like to be the bearer of bad news.
We spent the next couple of days doing as the doctor had told us. Researching (and crying). I did NOT like what I found out about it. I knew my baby was going to die. Even if it was not today, or even next year...someday, this disease would kill her.
Why did this have to happen to MY daughter!? This just isn't fair! I'm 14 years old, I got PREGNANT, then my boyfriend-the baby's FATHER-dies, and I fall down a flight of stairs, causing my baby to be born premature, which most likely caused the Hypoxia and PDA!!! Life isn't fair! What the hell did I do to deserve this?!
*********
The next week passed in slow, monotonous tourture. I still had not had even a glimpse of my newborn child and it was about time for Niko's funeral.
I couldn't go. There was no way I was going. After all I had been through with him, I couldn't watch as they dump his cremated body, wherever the hell they decide to put it. There is NO fucking way I'm going!
*********
My mom helped me lace up the back of my black dress before we headed to the funeral. She hugged me and told me that everything was going to be alright-that we would get through this. Then we got in our car and drove to the church where the service was being held.
