Teach me how to feel

chapter 1

I hate waking up and and going to work. I will kill just working at night oooh no I don't mean being a hoe or stripper , I don't hate them or anything. Just thinking of strippers god they got talent I can't even do a fraction of what they do. I hate talking to myself when am supposed to get ready for work. I think I should wear that dress I bought last week it's sexy as hell but still classy.

Today was the last day before I went for my 3 weeks vacation!!! I know it's crazy but I got a deal of a lifetime that our was trying to get for almost 10 years. My door was suddenly open and Jack walk in 'Hey Julie I called last night what happened? ' he looked mad and it really is turning me on. I bite my lips and look straight in his eyes ' you know it was one time thing and remember am a cold bitch.' I was getting pissed when I remember how everyone in these office sees me. Only because I don't participate in their gossip or pretend to be friends with my colleagues and try to fucked them over. 'Julie I thought you know we can help each other huh.'

I was so horny and lonely and he happened to be in the office at that time. He always tries to "tame" me like am some kind of beast or something. Why can't I be the beauty trying to tame a beast 'Julie are you even paying attention to what am saying.' I totally forgot he was here ' can you take a hint am not interested your definition of a man slut and your too old to be a fuckboy. So go find someone who is interested. '

He looked like he wants to say something but he shut his mouth and walk out of my office and slams my door on his way. I hate my assistant I wish I could fire her but my heart won't let me she has her sick mother and her 4 year old son. She is always busy on the Internet or gossiping with her friends instead of working.

At 5 I left work I didn't do anything today just sat in my office and binge watch Supernatural. I finish all my work yesterday since I was enxious I was going to be lazy motherfuker for 3 weeks.
I drive my car blasting music since I was happy and only Jamaica riddim can do it. I wish I was so tweaking was out question am crazy sometimes. I'm really short 5'4 and I have curves in all the right place. My hair was black just like my eyes. I like my skin am natural tan and I think am beautiful but sometimes I don't. I feel like only men are interested in my body .

I pack my car in the garage, I love my house I bought it two years ago it's in a good neighborhood and I got a good deal since someone was killed here. People think am weird how can I leave in a house that has bad luck most people who leaved here either got robbed or move because of financial problems.

I fall in love with it when I saw it. It has 3 bedroom 2 bathroom and beautiful backyard. The neighbors are friendly but I don't see most of them. Am just going to order in and just watch any series that on tonight and sleep. Tomorrow I am going to orphanage to give kids gifts I always try and buy them something when I go visiting there.

Am not orphan but I feel bad for them I try to show them they have someone who loves them and will always be there for them . Growing up I always feel left out my dad used to beat us when we do something he does not approve. My mom she used to intervene she was the best mother anyone can ask for. Our family we don't say love you or any emotional shit so we never connect but I love her more than anything.

Her kindness and love for helping others when she herself did not have anything. I admire her so much I thank God I at least got that from her.

I heard someone knock at my door I got out of my thoughts. I took ten dollars and open the door to tip the delivery guy. I went to sleep still deep in my thoughts.