Goodbye (Matched Fanfiction)

Goodbye

I go downstairs to visit Ky after my shift is over. I always love seeing Ky after a long shift, and today is no exception. I always wish that one day when I go down there Ky will be out of his bed, and then I'll go outside and see him walking around. That's pretty much all I hope for now, and all that I have hoped for since Ky went still. I haven't had time to worry about anything else.

I walk down the hallway to the door where the still are laying, but there is someone guarding the door, preventing me from seeing Ky.

"I'd like to see Ky, please," I say, trying to peer over her shoulder and look through the translucent glass.

"I'm sorry, no ones allowed in right now." She says apologetically.

"That's okay, can I wait out here until I'm allowed back in?" I ask, and the guard lady nods. I walk over to a bench across the hall, and sit down. I wonder why they won't let us in. Maybe something went wrong with the people. I shake my head, and clear it of worry. They would've told us if something went wrong. It's probably something really good, like they found a cure and are letting people out. I bet that's it. I gasp as I realize Ky might already be out. He might already be un-still. He might be waiting for me to go through those doors. Those doors that that lady is keeping closed.

I can't wait until she opens them.

"Do you have any idea when I will be allowed through those doors?" I ask, trying to sound calm, although its hard when this stupid guard lady is keeping me from seeing the person I love.

"No dear, I'm sorry. Maybe in the next half hour or so? I promise that I'll tell you when you can come in, whenever that may be." She replies, and she makes me even more angry because she's nice and I can't be angry at her.

I nod in response to her and take a deep breath, focusing on the fact that Ky is probably already awake, and it doesn't matter how long I have to wait here, as long as I see him eventually. I imagine him walking through the doors, wondering exactly where he is, and then him seeing me, his face breaking into a huge smile. I'll run up to him and he'll do the same, and then we'll hug and it will be the best moment ever in my entire life, finding him in the Carving would be a close second.

About thirty minutes later, the lady guarding the door gets called into the still-room, and probably two minutes after that she comes out and tells me I can go in. I'm so excited to go in that I rush past her, not bothering to look at her face, which has a terribly sad expression on it.

I run into the room, towards Ky's bed, and happily find it to be empty. I knew he was awake. I just knew it. I walk around the room, looking for Ky, and then ask the medic on duty if he knows where Ky is, my mood unwaveringly happy.

"Yeah," the medic answers. "I think they just took him outside. I thank him, then run outside, wondering why the medic's expression was so grim. I exit the hospital and I see four medics carrying something. I run up to them, but I'm being careless, and I bump into and help up like three people. When I finally get to the medics, I'm gasping for breath from running so fast.

"Do you guys know where Ky is?" I ask in between gasps.

"Yeah, he's right here," One of the medic says, and lifts up the top of the bag, revealing a pale, limp face. It takes me a second to recognize who it is, and when I do, I gasp, and not because I'm out of breath from running.

"Is that.. Is that K-"

"Yeah, thats Ky. We think he died last night. We found him in his bed this morning, not breathing. I'm sorry. I know you loved him." He says. I can't move. I can't breathe. A feeling of disbelief washes over me - Ky can't be dead - but I can see him, lifeless, right in front of me.

"But-" I start, but I don't finish. There's no way we can bring him back now. I know that from talking to Xander about his work with the still in Camas. I say goodbye and thank you to the medics carrying Ky, then I walk back to the hospital. Tears start to roll down my cheeks, and even as I try to wipe them away the keep flowing down from my eyes, like a water faucet that won't turn off. When I get back to the hospital I wander around aimlessly, asking everyone I walk by where Xander is. He probably knows, he must know, but I still need to tell him. I need to be with him.

I finally find Xander in Oker's lab, working on the cure. I have finally stopped crying, but I would be surprised if Xander couldn't tell, and not only because Xander knows me better than anyone else. My eyes feel puffy, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were red. Any person with a brain could tell I was crying. I walk into the lab without knocking, and Xander turns around when he hears my footsteps.

"Cassia?" He says, surprised. I doubt lot's of people come in this room without warning. Oker is really strict about all the things that happen, and the people that go, in his lab.

I don't talk for a while.

"Did you hear about Ky?" Is all I manage to say. Xander looks confused.

"No," He says. "What happened?"

"Ky...Well, Ky..." I can't figure out what to say. I try to think for a minute of how to say it. Ky was Xander's friend too, so I want to tell him delicately. Xander waits patiently for me to speak, and eventually I become overwhelmed with sadness from thinking about Ky.

"He's gone!" I blurt out, sobbing. "He's gone! He died! They took him out and I saw him, in a bag. Xander, he's gone!" Xander just looks at me, shocked. His mouth is open, and his eyes aren't focused, like he can't believe what he's hearing.

"What?" Xander says in disbelief. I just shake my head to say, it's true. Xander pulls me into a tight hug, and I feel comforted. I still feel like I just got hit by a truck full of sad, but it's better now that I have someone, someone who both cares about me and cared about him.

"Xander, what are we going to do?" I whisper to him, scared. Ky was such a big part of my life, and without him there is just a huge gaping hole where he used to be.

"I don't know. We'll just go on with our lives. Celebrate his death, that he's gone on to another place." Xander tears up. "I don't know, Cassia. I don't know." We stand there for a little bit, just holding each other, trying but failing to calm down, to fend the sadness off, if only for a little bit.

After a few minutes I squeeze Xander really tight and then let go. He nods at me, as if to say, you go rest, I'm going to stay and work. I go to my living quarters and lie on my bed, but I can't go to sleep. Every time I almost forget Ky and get to sleep I get washed over with overwhelming pain and sadness. I don't know what to do with myself now that Ky's gone. I guess I'll just go on sorting and trying to find a cure, but I won't have any motivation. Ky was basically the only reason I was doing it. If Ky hadn't gone still, I would've kept wanting to help, but since he had he was my only reason. Now my reason is gone. I just want to curl up in a ball and delete myself from the universe. This is the worst I've felt in my entire life.

I try to focus on the positive. I have Xander. And Bram, and Mom and Dad. All is not lost. The world is not crashing down around me, although right now it seems like it is. I try to focus on the fact that my family is still alive and well, and that gives me enough peace for long enough that I'm able to go to sleep. I just wish that I will still be peaceful when I wake up in the morning.