Learning To Let Go

A/N: Hey guys,

This piece was something experimental that I wrote a long time ago. I finally thought of Sharing it with you :) This is posted for the short story contest SweetSummer is hosting, Check it out my external link, it's pretty cool. You can submit your short story by the 30th of this month and have a chance to win :)

Anyhow, here it goes, hopefully you like :)

~~~Learning To Let Go~~~

  That morning was too sunny for a cold December day, considering the fact that it was almost snowing outside. The sky was so clear and yet the wind sent freezing chills down her spine. Outside seemed frozen, just like the horrible weather.

  God, how much she hated the winter.

  It reminded her of that day, the hospital bed, the naked window without the blinds, and the smell of death that lingered in the air. She had to close her eyes to keep from remembering, to keep herself from destroying her house just so she could forget.

  Her head was bursting; she felt like a mess. Looking around she noticed that her apartement was in a worse shape than she was in. Her room was unmade, disorderly, and unorganized in such a way that she couldn’t even step into it.  She hated how this time of the year -always that same day-, the events that happened several years ago crept up her veins. No matter how much she tried to make them disappear, she couldn’t get the image of her mother’s bloody figure from her head.

  She silently wondered if she could ever forget. She wondered if anyone could make her forget. Was she forever to remain alone, scared to crawl out of her shell because of the fear of attachment? The same one she held towards her own mother?

  Was it okay that she didn’t have any friends? Was it even remotely close to normal that she let life pass her by lifelessly? That she felt as if she was an empty shell?

  No it wasn’t, of course it wasn’t. This life she lived was worse than not living at all. This distaste for almost anything and everything; no one lived like that. There was no point in living if she was to continue this way. She’d rather be dead than alive. Everything was so dull in her eyes; her job, people, places.

  Her heavy sigh indicated that the idea of death was stupid, too cowardly on her part; although it did sound tempting one way or another. Nothing sounded better than escaping this nothingness. She couldn’t see herself in the future, hell, she couldn’t even see herself in the present.

  Her eyes closed tightly, as she tried to lock out the dark thoughts that overcrowded her brain. The pain she felt as she shut them made her feel better; it took the memories away. It made her forget.

  The young woman tuned to look at the clock -sitting on her white wall over her small TV- and saw that it was time. Grabbing her purse, she closed the door softly behind her and left her lonely apartment complex.

Xxx

  The place seemed older than she remembered; as if it wasn’t just a couple of months ago that she had last visited. It was clean, she noticed, thinking that they have hired new staff. It was homier than her own room: clean, organized, neutral.  

  Her deep brown eyes glanced at the surroundings before her, empty of life. She wrapped her jacket around her body, feeling stupid that she didn’t grab her coat on the way out. Her shoes squeaked as she walked, a sound that calmed her yet made her realize just how alone she was in the deadly park. It was quiet; almost too quiet as she could hear the faint sound of the birds nearby, and even a stream of water a couple of a hundred feet away.

  She hated this place. She could not stand to look at the stones, at the names, each with a story of their own. She hated walking that same path every year, leading her towards her original destination: the area she dreaded the most.