Why The Hell is Fate Trying to Kill Me?

Chapter 66 Bleeding in The Dark

The world snapped back.

The first thing I sensed was heat. A hand, warm and trembling, clutching into mine.

I opened my eyes. The canopy was a blur. The air tasted of stale wax and bitter herbs.

"She is waking," a whisper scratched against the silence. Adel.

"My Aurelia?"

The voice broke. It was my mother. I turned my head, the movement sending a spike of pain through my skull. She was sitting right there, on the edge of the bed. Her eyes were red, the skin beneath them bruised with exhaustion. Behind her, Adel and Lady Octavi hovered, their shoulders tight with fear.

I knew that look. They were waiting for me, the girl who needed to be held.

For a terrifying second, my instincts took over. A warmth rose in my chest, and a delighted, tearful emotion almost broke onto my lips. I should squeeze her hand, I thought. I should tell her I'm okay.

My throat tightened. A sob pushed against my ribs, desperate to get out.

Wait, I stopped myself.

If I hug her now, I will be the victim. If I cry, I am the girl who let the orphanage burn because she was too soft to act.

I have to stop this, I told myself. How do I stop a sob? How do I kill a feeling?

'You bleed for the world to see. I bleed in the dark.' Her voice echoed.

Bleed in the dark, I repeated in my head. Can I do that? Can I really look at my mother and feel nothing?

I swallowed the sob.It felt unnatural...

I pulled my hand away and tucked it under the sheets.

"Water," I said.

Adel was there in an instant. I drank, not for thirst, but to wash away the urge to cry out.

"Aurelia, my darling," Mother said. "You frightened us. I had Sofia dragged from her quarters... she said your body couldn't handle the tension."

She leaned in, her eyes searching mine.

"She said it is just the illness... the fatigue," Mother whispered... "That is why you are like this, isn't it?"

I looked at the desperate hope in her eyes. It hurt more than the headache.

I have to crush her eyes, I thought.

"The illness," I said, my voice sounding flat and otherworldly to my own ears, "was my mistake. I allowed my weakness to show in the court. It will not happen again."

The silence that followed was suffocating.

I could feel my mother's horror. It radiated off her. She wasn't looking at a daughter recovering; her face was like the first time I saw her, seven years ago, the first time I was awake. She was looking at a stranger.

I'm hurting her, I realised, a wave of guilt washing over me. Is this really necessary? Is there no other way? No. Fate is watching...I have to do this.

"My darling?" she whispered. "We... we aren't blaming you for being ill. You don't need to—"

"I know," I cut her off. "That is why we move forward."

I couldn't look at her anymore. If I did, I would shatter. I snapped my gaze to the flap; outside was bright, as the sun was too high. And then to Adel.

"How long?" I demanded.

Adel flinched. "My lady?"

"How long have I been unconscious?"