*Jocelyn's Pov*
"Okay, Miss. Stewarts you will take this anti-depressants once a day for the however long you need, and these are pain medication for you ribs and for any other problems you have. You can only take these every 6 to 8 hours not any early or more frequently than that." Dr. Deaton explains to me I nod slowly
"We have you a wheelchair waiting outside for you, and you are all clear to go home." he smiles at me "Hope you feel better, Jocelyn." he says his goodbyes as the nurse comes in with a wheelchair
I haven't talked to anyone barely since last night, I just don't see why I should no-one listens anyways. I am my own person who is always ignored, and tortured by everyone I hate that me being quiet makes people see me.
It took someone beating to a pulp to open the eyes of the ones, who hurt me for fun. Correction, it took one of them to beat to a pulp for him to realize what he's caused in the last four years in my life. He had to put me through enough pain before he came to reality that he's the bad guy in everything.
He's the one who's always hurting someone, always bringing someone down, always being the bully to everyone. All I want to know is why he keeps up with this bad guy act? Why does he want to hurt people? Why does he enjoy others pain?
Who knows, maybe I will figure it out one day.
"Jocelyn, babe give your hand I'll help you into the wheelchair." Niall calls me I snap out of my thoughts seeing his hand in my view
A smile comes to my face as I see him being very careful with me, he slowly lets me sit down in the chair. I know he feels bad cause I won't talk but its better for me to stay quiet. Yes, I feel guilty for ignoring him and not answering like I should its just what feels right to me.
"And we're off." he jokes as he pushes me out of the room
So, bad I want to let the giggle leave my mouth but I don't. He pushes through the halls making his way to the elevator, as we sit there waiting for it to come up he stands in front of me with a questioning yet, concerned.
"Joce, why won't you talk? No-ones around you can talk to me if you want." he says I nod sighing with a shrug "Please just tell me what's wrong, if its about Zayn you won't have to worry about him I'll beat his arse for ya." he states making grin a little I shake my head as the bell dings for the elevator
Sighing, he pushes me into the elevator looking at me more worried than he's ever looked at me. I went mute for a whole months once after the death of my parents, I know that's what he's worried about this time.
This time I may never speak again, the pain hurts almost as much as when my parents died. It hurts knowing everyone around me is waiting for me to explode, waiting for to fall apart. But, I don't want to do that, I want to be strong like everyone else but seeing all the looks I get make me want to run.
I thought that life would be easier for once, that I could be happy for once but in my case it'll never happen. Every time I get just little bit happier something has to come in a ruin everything around me, for once I just want to feel and look happy.
Being this dark person now is so depressing, and scary but that's what I am a depressing scary figure in the crowd of happier people. My life was never easy from the start and it won't be easy for the rest of it but when has life ever been easy on anyone? Certainly not me, its a dark cloud of sadness following me and I won't know what light is.
What's sad is that, I used to think the worst feeling in the world, was losing someone you love, but I was wrong. The worst feeling of is the moment you realized you've lost yourself.
I lost myself when I let people get to me.
I lost myself when I let people walk over me.
I lost myself when I knew I wasn't good enough, but still tried to fight through it.
I lost myself when everyone knew I was worthless.
I lost myself when I saw myself in the mirror this morning.
Hell, when I looked in the mirror this morning I knew that wasn't the girl I used to be. No, the girl I used to be was so energetic, so full of life and happiness. The girl I am now isn't close to what I was, the girl I am now is lifeless, dull, and weak.
Happiness isn't even in my dictionary anymore.
~*~*~
After we got off the elevator and to the car, its been an awkward silence as Niall would talk to me I would just shrug or nod at him. Once we did get home everyone who was at the hospital minus the three fuckers, were at my house waiting for my arrival.
They all tried to talk to me, but when they realized that I wasn't speaking to anyone sat down in different places to talk amongst themselves. Niall was by my side as I lied in my bed listening to Black Veil Brides on repeat.
This band helped me through so much after I turned into a emo freak, their songs took me to a different world, and I could feel comfortable about it. Its the fact that just one song, one band can make something's a little bit better.
There's no lying when it comes to how I feel, I mean I feel hopeless, depressed, angry. But most of all I'm scared.
I'm scared of what will happen next, I'm scared that one day I won't wake up. I'm scared that one day everything I ever loved will be taken from me. I'm scared I will fall into a hole and I won't be able to get it out.
Its like screaming but no-one can hear you. I feel like I'm screaming but its overpowered by my silence. Silence to me is my way of breathing in a way, its my way of releasing my thoughts to myself.
My thoughts are distracted by something falling in my lap, I look down seeing a piece a paper. When I open it up, the words surprise me.
"Its not romantic but maybe something cheesy, could you check yes or no to being my girlfriend? Pweasey?"
I look up seeing Niall rocking back and forth on his heals of his feet with his hands behind his back whistling sheepishly. I grab a pencil checking my answer before handing it to him, his face breaks out into a smile as he lays down beside me.
"Good, because I don't think I could let you go." he whispers leaning down to kiss my lips softly
Who would thought my first kiss would be from my bestfriend. We lay there as Black Veil Brides plays in the background.
~In the end, as we fade into the night who will tell the story of my life? And who will remember your last goodbye?~
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A/N HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IN THE COMMENTS! ALSO I AM LEAVING ONCE AGAIN TO HOUSTON FOR MY GRANDFATHERS TREATMENT PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM AND MY FAMILY HE ISN'T LOOKING GOOD.
LOTS OF LOVE.XX
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laterrrrrrrrr nerdsssssssss
