How it should be

Fear

Koushi, the name rolled off his tongue perfectly, everything about it screamed to him, this is who you were meant to be. Although,he wasn't sure that everyone else would feel the same way. He couldn't ever imagine coming out to his parents, terrified that he'd disappoint them. that's why he could feel the feel the thumping in his chest and the black abyss swirling in his stomach and the tightness in his throat amplified by ten times at the exact moment his mother walked in on him binding.

"Kou-" she had started, before realizing what she'd walked in on. She walked towards him, smiling, and pulled him into a hug. 
"Sweetie that's not good for you." She said, motioning to the ace bandages wrapped around her sons chest. 

He felt a twinge of guilt in his throat, "Mom if you're going to disagree with who i am i don't need to hear it." He really couldn't look at her, afraid of rejection, he couldn't stand disappointing his family. He half expected her to yell or hit him or something but she just smiled, letting out the hiccup of a laugh. "Wai-" Suga started, taken aback by his mothers reaction.

"No, sweetie you misunderstood, i always knew that you were destined to be different.As long as you're happy, i'm happy." She ruffled her slim fingers through Suga's silvery hair. "The one thimg i do have a problem with is that you're not taking care of yourself. This stuff is really bad for your health, i'll take you to get a real one, just please never use this again." Suga nodded, whispering apologies into her shoulder. 

"sh sweetheart, you didn't know any better its okay." she cooed, her voice calm and strong. "I love you my beautiful son." she smiled, meeting her sons watery hazel eyes with her strong brown ones, wiping a stray tear from his face. 

"c-could you also call me Koushi?" he stuttered out looking to his mother for acceptance. She smiled and he could feel the knots in his stomach loosen for the first time in what seemed like forever. 

"Koushi huh?  " she said, testing the name on her tongue, "It's beautiful Koushi, i love it." The twinge of guilt in his throat was replaced with a feeling of hope and relief. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, "Thank you Mom". Although now he knew his mother was okay with him, he still wasn't quite sure how his father would react. He could still hear the screams of disappointment from his father when he learned that Suga's sister- who had long since moved out- brought home her girlfriend of two years. "You fucking faggot, you've disgraced this family, get out!"He screamed, pounding his fists against the wall next to her head. His dad had always made them feel horrible about any small thing that ever happened. He would scream at not only Koushi and his sister, but his mother too. Suga's mother caught the worst of it, she could never catch a break from the yelling.

As if reading his mind, his mother squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, "Don't worry Koushi, i'll break the idea in to your father slowly." He knew that his mother was only trying to help and that it sould have calmed him down a little, but he knew that it wouldn't go down well. 

With one final hug his mother smiled and left the room, closing the door as she stepped out. As she left Koushi couldn't help but feel guilt tightening his throat, knowing that his mother would take all the heat. Tears began to well up behind his eyes again and his entire body shivered despite that it was a fairly warm night. Suga was afraid and there was only one person he knew he could call.