This Love, This Hate {Phan}

Prologue I

My nerves were everywhere but calm as I approached my high school, the first day of freshman year..
~

I was scared, not knowing at all what I was going to run into today. Yes, I have watched all of those cliché high school movies with the jocks and geeks but I knew that this was going to be a lot more real and less stereotypical. The only think I could think was that I was literally going to die. I'd get pushed over and drown in a pool of papers or get stuck in a locker and starve to death. one or the other. I was just paranoid with the thought of high school.

Despite the many possibilities that my mind was racing through, I honestly had no idea what to expect. To be honest, the unknown put me even more on edge than anything my imagination could dream up. I forced my feet to move in the direction of the school's doors, barely able to do it. After what seemed like an eternity (when in all reality it was twelve seconds) I reached the doors and put a hand on the handle, forcing myself to not be so terrified and go in.

When I got inside, the sheer number of kids inside was overwhelming. There was definitely still room to walk, it was a very big high school, but my breathlessness made it seem more claustrophobic than it actually was. 'Locker 296..' I thought to myself, forcing my way through the crowds and cliques of students. If I could just find my locker, I'd be able to calm down a bit.

Walking through the cluttered hallway filled with so many people I have never seen in my whole life, I tried my best to get through without touching anyone. There were people who were taller than me and people who were so short it was hard to believe they were high schoolers. Anxiety was running through my whole body, making me shake just a bit as I took short steps. Looking at the lockers, I looked around for number 296, but the number range I was at was pretty low, which meant my locker was farther down the hallway. I hadn't even been walking for nearly two minutes and I already wanted to cry. There was so many people, and when I accidentally bumped into someone, I would swing around instantly and attempt to say sorry but it sounded like I was choking. I felt like everyone was looking at me or talking about me. It was so terrifying. Pretty soon I saw the numbers 296 printed on a locker, and seeing those three numbers felt like I had just seen heaven.

I went to my locker, my hand on the cool metal of the lock as I fumbled with it. I was trying to get it open, to no avail, when I heard a voice from behind me.
"Here, let me help you with that." The deeper voiced person said from behind me, startling me a bit but also calming me.
"It's alri--"
I was cut off mid sentence because I saw his face. It was the boy I had bumped into earlier.. He didn't look angry but I felt like he was. A calm façade could hide rage easily.
The male's crystal blue eyes gazed back at me with the same relaxed front and I began to think that he actually wasn't mad.

"You okay?" The boy asked, and I realized he had been asking my combination for the last twenty seconds while I had been staring.. Oops.
I apologized quickly and told him. "Yeah.. It's 6-23-1." I shakily responded and broke my trance.

He took the lock out of my hand, and his skin touched mine a bit in the process. He quickly popped my locker open and he backed away looking at me. I hesitated a bit and said "T-thank you.." still kinda shaky I looked at him and turned to my locker. He spoke again saying "It's no problem.." his voice was calming in a way and his eyes were so nicely colored. Also, his hair was a nice dark shade. This boy seemed pretty much perfect-
wait, I can't jump to conclusions, I don't even know his name. Putting things in my locker, I turned around and saw that he was still standing there looking at me, I smiled a but and said "My name is Dan.."

"Mine's Phil." The boy said and smirked, which made my heart race. He held out his hand for me to shake and I was a bit on edge still, but he seemed very kind so I shook his hand. He had a really tight grip and it surprised me a bit..
"Sorry for kinda crushing your hand there." He said almost sheepishly.
"No, no, it's alright!" I said almost too quickly, and ended up blushing. I rubbed my neck awkwardly and then he broke the silence, which I was thankful for.

"Haven't seen you around here before so that probably means you're a freshman, right?" He asked me and I nodded, wondering what year he was in because it definitely wasn't the same as mine.. I kept finding myself looking too deeply in his eyes and forced myself to look away before I embarassed myself, but then I would look back and the process would repeat.

Phil smiled a bit saying "I'm a senior, can't wait to graduate to be honest.. but trust me, you're gonna survive." he patted my shoulder and looked into my eyes kindly.
"You're gonna be okay.." he said, kind of repeating what he had just said, and walked over to the locker next to mine, opening it and putting some stuff in and pulling other stuff out. I was confused at first but soon got it.
that's his locker, silly. He was just so, I don't know I can't put it into words, but whatever he was, it distracted me from the fact that I was in real life, and that the possibility of him having a locker next to mine, seemed so surreal.

I looked down at the floor losing track of time, and I realized that the bell was probably going to ring anytime now.  I hadn't shut my locker yet, so I grabbed my schedule two notebooks and a couple pens, so I would have at least something for my classes. Phil shut his locker and stood in front of me and asked "What class do you have first?"

"Oh, calculus.." I said quietly.
"Calculus? In freshman year? If I would have known we had a genius here, I would've dressed nicer." Phil said lightheartedly and I couldn't help but giggle a bit.
I immediately regretted it.
I hated my laugh..
But he didn't seem to be judging me, so I took that as an okay sign.
"Hey, you know where the class is?" Phil asked me and I realized that I actually didn't.. I shook my head and he smiled.
"Follow me." Phil said with his smile remaining as a smirk on his face.

And with that, I was thinking this would be an okay year.