The Secrets We Keep (On Hold...)

Chapter Four

I paced on Seth's porch for a few minutes before knocking on the door, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to tell him what I was so upset about. I wasn't even sure what I was so upset about! The bite of the wind finally broke me, and I rapped on the door with my good hand. In a matter of seconds I could hear Seth's bare feet moving across his living room floor, towards the door. It opened quickly and there in the doorway he stood, in loose gray sweats and a baggy maroon hoodie. He eyed me with those incredible green eyes that seemed to never lose their brightness. He inclined his head towards the living room, and without a word from either of us, I entered and flung myself onto his couch, he shut the door and went to the kitchen. There was an unopened bag of potato chips on the coffee table so I leaned over and opened them. Seth came out of the kitchen then, with two cans of Mountain Dew in his hands. It was almost a tradition of ours. Every time either of us go to each others house, we have to have a Mountain Dew right when we get there. We're kinda Mountain Dew-aholics. He placed the cans on the coffee table and opened both of them at the same time in one quick motion. Sliding one across the table towards me, I snatched it swiftly, just before it went over the edge.

"What's been bugging you?" He says, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between us. He leans back against the cushions and places his legs across the couch smoothly. I swing myself so I'm facing him and he's facing me and I throw my legs over his and onto his lap.

"Who says anything's been bugging me?" I ask, wanting to look away from his eyes, yet needing to keep his gaze with mine, for my own sanity.

"Your eyes. I can tell somethings wrong, your eyes always give you away." He sips some of his Mountain Dew and sets the can down on the floor, too lazy to reach up to place it on the table.

Dammit, I thought, looking down at my own Mountain Dew can.

"I had a talk with Daniel this morning, and it didn't end well, for me anyway. And no, I didn't punch him, my hands not hurt from hitting him, trust me." I say, finally letting it out, and from listening to myself, I realize how lame it sounds.

"You have talks with Dan all the time, since when have you started giving a damn on what he says?" He asks, a hint of a smile creeps over his face.

"Since the end of our conversation. He practically used my mother and family and lifestyle as bait for me to do better in school. It sounds dumb, but it was just the way he said it that bugged me, I guess." I was twisting the cap of the can over and over, until it broke off. Seth just nodded.

"That's not all that's bugging you." He stated. He knows to me too well to know that that wasn't just it. We can read each other like an open book, nothing can ever get past him, and when somethings wrong with him, I won't let him out of my site until he tells me what's up.

"I couldn't stop thinking about my Dad today." I sad quietly. For one of the top students to go to the principal's office regularly, this was a pretty week thing to admit to, but Seth knew what happened to my Dad. And that I saw all of it happen. He didn't say anything, he just slipped his legs out from under mine, and pulled his body towards mine. By my side now, he threw one arm across my shoulders, and I lay my head on his chest. And we just sat there, not talking, just being with each other was comfort enough, until the sky outside had cleared to show the light of the rising moon.

We have known each other since kindergarden, and we have been friends ever since, so this wasn't any show of affection or anything of that nature. It was just two friends being together and keeping each other company. I remember one time, when we were about seven, Seth stayed at my house because his parents had to go out of town one weekend, and we stayed up till almost sunrise watching scary movies. And we were too scared to fall asleep in the dark, so we had turned all the lights on, kept flashlights by our sides at all times, and we even had some decorating streamers that was covered in Seth's handwriting that said NO MONSTER ZONE. My Dad came home that morning and found us asleep together on the couch with the house a mess. He just laid a blanket over us, and left us sleeping there for a good portion of the day.

I watched, or tried to watch the television, but I was slowly drifting into sleep. Seth, I could tell, was struggling to stay awake as well. But without success, we both dropped ourselves into sleep.

I woke up before Seth had. Some time during the night Seth had gotten up and went to his room, but he had pulled a blanket over me before doing so. I got up and made my way towards the shower. I'm here so often, that it's basically my second home, so I had some spare clothes that I was able to change into. I passed Seth's room on my way to the kitchen, but stopped in my tracks at his opened doorway.

He lay in his bed, facing the door, asleep. The pale light of the morning sun outlined his smooth face, empathizing his features. His chiseled jawbone, the perfection of his lips and nose, his long eyelashes, his silky dark hair that is messy, yet cute at the same time. He is definitely a handsome guy. He could have any girl in the school at the snap of his fingers, yet he choses to be with me. I just don't understand, and probably never will understand the minds of men. I'm not crazy pretty like most of the girls in my school, but I wouldn't exactly call myself ugly either. I have long brown hair that hangs by my shoulders, but I don't have much of a figure, really. I have a heart-shaped face with a set of  small lips and, thankfully, not too big of a nose. One thing that I do like about me are my eyes. The outsides of my irises are a very light shade of blue, and as the blue goes outwards it turns to a darker shade, like the ocean. It looks like a blue sunburst, so I've been told by many.

Looking at Seth, so peaceful when he's asleep. So... vulnerable looking, my stomach grew light, and a funny feeling began to bloom inside me. Maybe we could be more than friends. I thought. I mean, we grew up together, we know each other better than we know anyone else in the world, and... I sighed, looking at him one last time, before turning to go. He'd never feel the same.