Cigarette Smoke

Love Buzz

I was dumbstruck. For the rest of the day I couldn't stop thinking about her. I was afraid I might be going crazy, and I didn't want anyone to know what I had seen. At home I went straight to my room and spent the rest of the night avoiding my mother. It wasn't a hard job though. Once again she was stuck watching one meaningless reality show after another. I was left alone with my thoughts, and they did a great job keeping me awake even in the middle of the night when I was already eager to sleep.

I woke up in the morning to a bounding headache. For a while I considered skipping school, but then I realized I didn't want to stay at home with nothing to do all day. I started to get ready unwantingly and wasted a lot of time on unimportant things, until I finally realized that if I wouldn't leave right away I'd be terribly late.

As I was walking through my neighbourhood I felt the same desperation as I always did. The smell always struck me first. The combination of slowly dying flowers, spilled beer, vomit, cheap perfumes, gasoline and ovelry sweet candy was inescapable and nearly unbearable. It had slowly become a part of the whole neighbourhood and now it couldn't be separated from it even if someone would have wanted to try.

The enviroment matched the disgusting smell. Ugly graffiti with gangster signs were painted everywhere. Weeds were growing from the cracks of the dull grey asphalt. Shattered pieces of beer bottles were lurking in the corners, waiting to hurt someone's feet.

I walked past children playing with broken toys, dressed in faded and torn off clothing. Their screams of happiness were silenced by the grey sky. I really wanted to go back home and sleep for the rest of the day, but I knew I'd get in trouble if I actually did that.

I came to class only five minutes late. My usual spot in the back of the class was free so I walked there while the teacher gave me an icy look. I knew she hated me but I didn't care.

I sat through all my classes without hearing or seeing anything. I just couldn't concentrate. During lunch Kit kept asking if something was wrong but I didn't want to tell him what I had seen, so I told him I was just tired. I could see he didn't believe me but he didn't pressure me into telling something more, which I was thankful for. He'd just think I had gone mad.

After school I took the detour home because I had no desire to return to that hellhole. I walked slowly around the city smoking a cigarette after another trying to clear out my thoughts with very little succees. Eventually I got tired of walking and sat on a bench by a riverside. I sat there smoking and reading poetry when I saw someone sitting next to me from the corner of my eye.

It was her again. She looked even more beautiful than the last time, sitting next to me smiling gently.

"Hi, Lucy", she said. Her voice was low but lovely. I desperately wanted to say something but my mind was completely blank.

"Who are you?" I blurted out and blushed immediatelly.

"Who would you want me to be?" she said playfully, but then lost that attidute and became more serious. "I'm Arabella. I'm here for you."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem sad and anxious. Your mother ignores you and you barely meet your father. You won't even tell
your friends what's bothering you. I'm here to help you."

"How do you know all that? I don't understand." I felt so confused.

She didn't say anything, she just looked at me and took my hands inside her own. Suddenly I felt warmth radiating through her into me. It felt like all my worries were melted away and only peace was left in me.

"What did you do?" I whispered.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yes."