tumblr • tronnor

❝a puzzle in front of him❞

so um
you all seemed to like the last chapter for the most part
thank you all for your really kind words
enjoy
i suggest you listen to the song on the top/side while reading this
im sorry
trigger warning

♢ ♢ ♢

C•O•N•N•O•R

despite the amazing feeling of troye's soft skin brushing lazily against my own, i couldn't stop the intolerable thoughts from swirling around my mind.

don't you miss the feeling of cold metal of a paperclip on your wrist?

no, i can't. even if i just make scratches.

or even the sweet sensation that tape gives you when you rip it off your skin?

stop. i've been clean for almost two months.

but what about the numbing feeling you get when you knock yourself out?

stop.

you thrive on it.

you crave it.

you need it.

you miss it.

i thrive on it.

i crave it.

i need it.

i miss it.

biting my bottom lip and trying to escape from the white sheets, i tried my hardest not to wake troye up.

i quickly (but quietly) scurried to his office, looking in every drawer for a small piece of shaped metal.

i dug through the last few drawers and finally finding a small bin filled with the small office supplies.

i picked up the paperclip and opened it up, exposing a long part of the metal and pressing it against my irritated skin.

i let out a breath of distress, immediately feeling relief by just pressing the cold piece of metal to my skin.

then i silently thought to myself.

should i really do this?

yes.

no.

you should, connor.

you're almost two months clean, connor.

do it.

and then i did.

scratch.

scratch.

scratch.

light red lines formed all over my left forearm, quickly fading to a pale white color.

and that's when i bursted into tears.

what the fuck did i just do?

"connah?"

oh my god.

"what the fuck?" was the only thing to be heard in the room besides my soft sobs.

i sniffled and looked up and the glossy blue eyes looking down at me.

he looked confused, but hurt at the same time. "how could you...i thought...wasn't everything going well? what happened baby?"

i shook my head, wiping my nose with my hand and then cringing at the snot left there.

then i tried dismissing what i did.

"hey, you can't call me baby remember? i'm older," i let out a strained fake chuckle.

troye furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips as if he were trying to figure out a puzzle in front of him.

little did i know the puzzle was me.

"i don't care if you're older," troye sighed as he draped his arm around my waist and picked me up from the ground, "you're my baby and i am going to take care of you. and protect you. even if it be from yourself."

no words were spoken after that as troye dragged me to the bathroom and sat me down on the countertop.

mostly because i didn't really know what to say.

but what had to be said was communicated through our eyes.

we had some sort of weird connection.

i could tell how he felt just by staring into those big blue eyes of his.

and i know he could read mine too.

troye then proceeded to wash my hands and arms, then dried them, and then applied a bit of really nice smelling lotion, which surprisingly didn't sting my forearm.

his eyes met mine once more as he slowly pulled a clean sweater over my head.

and all he did was smile.

"i love you too."

♢ ♢ ♢

hi
hope this didnt actually suck as much dick as i thought it did
have a good day love you