It's a funny thing. You always want what you can't have, and when it's in your reach, you can't let go. And when you do, you wish you never did.
We always want what we can't have. We always want what we can't obtain. It's just human nature.
I was asked,"Why are you so optimistic?," to which I could only reply was, I had to be.
If there is nothing else to look forward to in this world than the one you want to hold, then what's the point of hope? Someone to hold a hand and lock eyes.
I wish I could be there in that way, but I can't. A part of me feels drained. Empty. A part of me is alive. But my fear is the emptiness may take over. Give way to other feelings.
I'm afraid of the future, yet optimistic. Maybe something happens, maybe not. I've reached out for her hand, mine having LOST tattoos on it. But at that moment, I didn't feel lost. I felt like right where I was supposed to be.
Fun times were had, as well as multiple laughs. I couldn't imagine a better time. By the end of it it felt like we were in a Robert Rodriguez movie.
Last ones in the restaurant, looking eachother in the eyes, just biding time, but I was the only one biding time.
I realized then I was just prolonging things. So I drove. Wishing the whole while my house wasn't so close. But it was.
We drove up and my heart sank for a minute or two.
I realized this might be it.
"Fuck it," I thought.
I'd rather die tonight and be happy then to never have one of the best nights of my life.
Then, I remember, she isn't mine. She belongs to someone else. The glee quickly fades. The butterflies settle. The world goes silent.
I feel a kiss on my cheek. A kiss that should have never been planted, but all the while my brain spins.
Talk about a tornado. Everything I thought I knew was turned upside down. Ripped apart.
There's a song I listen to remember. I sometimes put it on repeat. But I know that the storm was mine and mine alone. It's not reciprocal, nor shared.
On The subject of loneliness, I'd rather be lonely than hope for something false or a lie.
