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Chapter 3 - part 2 "Still Figuring It Out"

I feel the tears building up in my eye ducks. Antoine grabs my shoulder keeping me from moving any  farther out the car. I tug away from him in frustration. I can not believe this nigga really knew who this bitch was. Better yet, he knew exactly what was going on before I even explained it. That made me so upset.

"Let me go, Antoine." He restrained me even more, damn near pulling me all the way back in the car. I just had my right foot still dangling, half way out the car door.

"Baby, lemme talk to you. Stop acting like that. Can I at least explain what going on. Please."

He paused. I started to ease up.

"What the hell is there to explain Antoine.? You shouldn't have to explain shit to me. I thought we told each other everything, and Now, Now you want me to give you the priviledge to explain. Thats bullshit."

I wasn't looking at him but I could feel the guilt in the air. This nigga know he was wrong.

"Who is she, and tell me and tell me everything. Dont half ass with me because the minute i think you're hitting me with bullshit, im leaving."

I stare into his eyes. A look of pure pain. It cut him so deep the words got stuck in this throat and began bleeding out his ass. He looked shitty as ever. 

"She is a shordie from my past. We from the same hood. Ya know, we grew up together. My mama was friends with her mama and we kinda just happen. That type of thing."

Kinda just happen. BULLSHIT. He liked her and she liked him and then they smashed. Simple

He continues " I mean he was cool while we were younger but that bitch, .. that bitch dont mean shit to me, yeah she still wants me. Baby she just jealous. She mad cus she know I love you and you take up all my time. she not use to that. Back then it was just me and her but after you came along everything changed. Dont even think about it. she just jealous, I promise." 

Promise. Assurance. At This Point I wasnt so sure of anything anymore. How could someone display their life so well that you never see a secret until it calls your own phone. He never mentioned a girl from his hood in our talks about the past, and our talks got pretty detailed. Never anything about a girl from his hood though. It just doesn't seat well with me. Im not goofy. Im young but I can feel when something isnt right. The script he giving me right now sounds good, but i know better. 

"Antione, I swear. if you lying to me ima be so damn mad at you. Don't play with me. Im way too good to you."

I hold tears back. " You know that I love you and I wanna trust you. I don't know what to think right now. Just.. I thought I knew you, but you lept this from me. Out of all the things we have talked about you kept THIS from me. I try to make sens of it in my mind. I was up all night, just trying to understand. She talked my phone. How did she even get my number? "

*sighs*

"Huh. HOW DID SHE GET MY NUMBER ANTOINE?"

He couldn't even look me in the eye. He sat there powerless, motionles, just looking at his hands in his lap. Tears are now streaming down my face. I couldnt hold it back anymore. I was scared that the repsonse he was gonna give me was gone to be the exact thing I didnt want to hear. 

"Bae, you were with her last night. You were with this girl? Huh. Bae. You were with her.. last night"

He could hear the tears in my voice. He looked at me then stared out the window.

" Yeah, ......yeah camille. I was with her"

My heart exploded. I couldn't phathom this right now. He was with her last night. Was their night like our night. Why was he with her? Was all this just a game. Was it for the pussy? 2 years, 2 whole damn years and NOW this? What happen. I didnt know what to think, I didnt know what to do, because I knew was that I was hurting... really bad. It that how it goes, first love first heartbreak. I guess he was meant to be my first in everything. 

"I can't believe you, after all these years. just,.. you just hurt me like this. Your a fuckin clown" 

I jet out the car, slam the door. & run to my front door. Im so distraught I can't even function. Theres tears falling out my eyes like a river. My dress keeps getting caught on the buckle on my sandals. My mascara is running and my heart is racing. How dare he do this? Like that, just with another bitch. I trusted him with everything. My heart, My body, My emotions, and it all just meant nothing? 

I hear a car door slammed behind me and in the matter of seconds I feel his warm, strong hands touch my arms. He pushes himself into me from the back, wrapping his arms around my body. I have never felt him hold me this tight. I begin to try to resist, I struggle but I break free from him. 

" DONT FUCKIN.... dont touch me Antoine. You were with her, not only were you with her but what? she had your phone."

Interrupted. " I Didnt Know She Had My Phone Okay, I didnt know. She does crazy stupid shit like that. She got out her place. She shouldnt have done that. I was just over there with some friends we were just kicking it at Sandra's Hse and She was there. I swear Mille, She Aint Nobody. and Im not gone say it no more. She aint shit, if you my shordie, Act like it. You say you down for me then stop worrying about what other bitches doing. I dont got time to be arugeing with you, You suppose to be my woman. If you gone be own this little girl shit, all this crying. then I can move around"

I jolt at him, I try to swing. I wanted to slap the shit outta him but he catches my arm and pulls me in close. He gazes into my eyes. I feel safe again. Some how being in his arms right now made me calm even though i was far from calm. 

"I Love You Shordie, Dont be doing all this. I aint gone hurt you. Real shit"

I clear my face up. I feel myself getting weak. He holds me tighter. I just look at him. Eye to eye.

I kiss him. 

"I Love You Too Antoine"

I gave in. I knew it wasnt right. but if loving him was wrong, I didnt wanna be right then, Because one thing i couldnt deny was how much this man meant to me.