march 20th
you died today.
they said it was an accident.
beau thinks it's his fault.
he thinks he could've prevented it.
he says it should've been him.
he won't talk to anyone.
he's sad.
we all are.
march 21st
today was your funeral.
they closed the casket.
I wanted to see your face.
I didn't cry
I'm all out of tears
there's nothing left inside of me
you took it all when you left.
march 22nd
your mum left today.
She didn't say much.
beau is leaving too.
He can't stand it here.
Luke says he staying.
He says there's too many memories to leave.
He's right.
march 23rd
I want to move out.
But I'm afraid to leave you behind.
I'm sad.
I know you wouldn't want me to be. But you left me Jai.
You left me in this damn world alone. Why did you leave me?
We weren't finished yet.
I hate you.
march 24th
I didn't mean that.
I don't hate you.
I love you.
march 25th
it's my birthday.
no ones here.
I'm alone.
you're not here to see me turn the age you did when you died.
I don't want it to be my birthday.
there's nothing to celebrate.
it should be you aging.
not me.
april 12th
I'm moving out.
April 13th
I'm staying.
I can't pack anything.
I can't move.
I feel nothing.
april 20th
it's been a month.
me and Luke are getting closer.
we talk about you.
it scares me though.
he reminds me too much of you.
april 24th
I haven't spoken to the others.
I haven't heard from beau since he left.
I talk to Daniel sometimes.
he doesn't say much.
he's gone too.
I've lost all contact with James.
he's not handling this very well.
I think he's trying to move on.
april 30th
I moved out.
Luke helped me move.
he's been staying with me.
I'm afraid of being alone.
I'm afraid that you might come to my door.
I'm afraid of a lot of things now.
May 1st
Luke and kiana broke up.
Luke said he needs time.
time to fix himself.
I need you Jai.
I need you to love me while I fix myself.
may 3rd
today is your birthday.
you would have been 22.
you would have done great things.
I didn't spend the day with Luke.
he went out.
I didn't.
I stayed home in bed.
I cried the entire day.
may 10th
it's not getting easier.
I haven't washed the sheets.
I haven't gotten rid of your clothes.
I don't want to lose your smell.
is all I have left.
may 15th
I went to the doctor.
he told me I was depressed.
he gave me some pills.
I don't want to take them.
I don't want to forget about you.
may 20th
the pills seem to be working.
I can get out of bed and do things now.
I think I'm getting better.
but I still miss you everyday.
may 26th
today was a bad day.
I'm thinking about taking all my pills.
I want it all to end.
we will be reunited and I won't feel so empty anymore.
I took the pills.
may 28th
I woke up in the hospital.
they called it a failed suicide attempt.
Luke was there when I woke up.
his eyes were wet and sunken.
I think he's scared to lose me.
I remind him of you.
June 2nd
they finally let me go.
Luke is suppose to watch me.
make sure I don't try to hurt myself.
it scares me to think how well he's doing.
it makes me think he's forgetting about you.
June 14th
beau's getting married.
I'm not going to the wedding.
it should have been us.
June 18th
I'm drunk.
I can't stop crying.
I miss you.
my head hurts.
July 20th
I haven't written to you in over a month.
Luke and I went on vacation.
he said it would be good for me.
I don't hurt so bad anymore.
I'm so glad that I have Luke.
but I wish it was you.
September 8th
I went back to school.
I want to be a doctor.
I want to save lives.
I want to make a difference.
September 19th
I've decided I'm never going to marry.
I need to focus on myself.
I changed my last name to yours.
till death do us part.
and my death hasn't come yet.
but even after,
you're still mine
