He will tell you that he loves you and that he would take a million bullets to the heart just for you. He will say that you're the only one for him, and so many other beautiful lies. He will tell you that you were his first. His first true love, his first fuck, his first dream come true, and you will believe it all, because you want to. He will let you cry into his chest as you lie together in bed, listening to music as the sun rises over the sky scraper buildings. He will kiss you against a wall that is so full of memories, that when you scrape your hand on a nail that once hung a picture of you together, you will bleed his name. He will talk about a girl that he met and you will feel jealous when you see how pretty she is, but you won't stop smiling when he shows you the messages he sent her, telling her about his beautiful girlfriend. He will make you trust him. He will tell you things that will make you doubt yourself. He will make you feel guilty over nothing. He will make you change everything: The way you act, the way you talk, who you talk to, where you go - anything he can alter, he will. He will manipulate you. He will destroy you. And you will change for him, because he will make you think that you want it too. You will get the courage to tell him to stop. You will tell him that you're going to stay with a friend for the night. He will call you, over and over. Crying. Begging. You insist you can hear his heart breaking through your crackling phone speaker. You will ask to go on a break, your voice shaking, saying that you just need time to figure things out. You will never regret it, but you will still wish it hadn't happened like that.
He will go to a party that night. He will send you a picture from the party at 12:43am of him kissing the girl he spoke to you about. You will cry. You will drink vodka from the bottle, and the burning sensation in your throat and the sharpness that makes you gasp will remind you of the way he kissed you. You will fall into your friends bed, and pour your once happy heart out, going into every detail. You will have sex in a jealous rage, and whilst it doesn't feel like anything other than justified at the time, you will end up hating yourself for it.
You will wake up to thirty four missed calls: Eight from his Mum, twenty one from his friend, four from separate unknown numbers, and one from him. He will have sent you one text, simply saying "I can't do this anymore. I love you. Goodbye." You will scream through the hangover.
You will get three trains to find him. You will shout his name, which once felt soft and sweet, but now feels course and tastes of bitter regret in the back of your throat.
You will run, crying, to the place you first kissed him. The first place you truly felt safe. Your heart will skip a beat when you see a figure lying on the sand in the distance, just like it did when you first met him. You will see him lying on the beach with a broken bottle of rum and cuts on his arms. You will drop to your knees, unable to breathe, before you finally stagger over to him, drink with fear. He will sleep carelessly as you shout to the sky, confused and scared. You will lay next to him, watching his chest slowly rise and fall. Your heart will shatter as you cry and hold his cold, almost lifeless hand.
You will fall asleep next to him, and when you wake up, he won't be there, but you will see him at the other end of the beach, skimming stones, as if they were broken fragments of your now blackened heart. You will rush over and pick up the pieces you can find, but for some reason, they don't seem to fit together any more.
Although he says that everything's okay, he will act distant. You will slowly grow apart. Eventually, you'll stop fighting it, and accept defeat. He will break your heart that night. You will cry for months.
You will fall in love with anyone who smiles at you, and detest anyone who doesn't. You will kiss poisonous lips, unafraid, as you try to find your way back to a love as precious as the one you shared with him, but instead, you will choke on your tears.
You will want the pain to end. You will take any medication that you can find, in the hope that something will help you to feel numb. You will fall asleep dizzy, and wake up feeling sick. You will be sick of waking up every single day, because every time you do, be it at 6am or 4pm, that's when your nightmares will begin, and you will want nothing more than an eternal slumber so you can escape.
Don't fall in love, because no matter what happens, you are going to get hurt, and people just aren't made to cope with that level of pain.
