Toxic (boyxboy)

Chapter 7

VII.

"Say it again. Say you love me again. Please."

~

I am wide-eyed and shaking. Anxiousness writhes beneath my bones, unsettling my skin and sending my stomach aflutter. Alone in our tiny apartment, sitting on the living room couch with my eyes glued on the TV screen, I can't help but be aware of every ticking second that passes on the clock. William left approximately an hour ago without a word of good-bye and I did nothing but watch his back with a silent plea that never made its way out of my mouth.

I did as William asked of me: I showered until my skin turned red, raw from scrubbing every exposed flesh I can reach, cleaned myself so thoroughly that I felt my skin sting when I stepped out of the bathroom. I brushed my teeth until my gums bled. I forced myself to vomit out the coffee I drank earlier because it made my stomach turn and brushed my teeth twice again. But no matter how ruthlessly I try to cleanse myself, I never feel less filthy than I did before I went inside the bathroom.

There's an itch on my arm that doesn't seem to go away. I look down to see it red and bleeding from the pressure of my nails. I shakily stand up to clean it off, but just as the cold water of the kitchen sick hits my heated skin, the doorbell rang. I jump a foot high in the air. I rush to wipe my arm with a tissue paper and hope the blood will stop seeping through the gaps my nails made.

Another press of the doorbell. I walk towards the door and open it after taking a few breaths to calm myself. Axel stands outside and gives me a hesitant smile.

"Hey, Charlie." he says. "William called and he says he wants me to...I mean, he says I have a client waiting for me in this apartment and uh..."

My throat feels dry. He looks as stunning as ever. I'm a wilted leaf in comparison—he's a newly bloomed flower. "Yeah. Come in."

He follows me inside.

"Do you want a drink?" I ask. Formalities is an obligation, but in this case I just want to lengthen whatever it is that's bound to happen. I want there to be a conversation between us to lighten the mood, to help my heart beat to go steady, but I can't think of anything to say.

"No, thank you though." he says with a smile. "I know this isn't the best circumstance but it's nice to see you again. How long has it been, two weeks?"

It's been three and a half weeks. My heart thuds painfully in my chest. "It's nice to see you too."

We both stand for a moment, bathed in silence. My hand begins to shake in a way I can't control, all I can do is loop my thumbs into my jeans' pocket and hope to look casual. I know I fail miserably.

"So uh," he clears his throat. "Is he here? The client, I mean."

"...Yes."

"Is he in the bedroom?"

I don't respond. When I was scrubbing my body in the shower, William's mention of Axel's name registered in my mind. I'm embarrassed to be standing in front of him; I want to say I'm sorry that it's me, that he has to touch me just because he's paid to. Just when I thought he might be a friend, something like this has to happen. I know he wouldn't want to see me again after this, after seeing just how disgusting my body is.

Axel waits. Then he says, "Well, I guess I'll just go ahead and..."

Before he turns, I blurt, "It's me."