windows • a tronnor au

an insight

after my 17th birthday, you would assume that i'm a responsible teen. and by that, i mean having a list of traits that people should associate you with. for example: organised, healthy, social, etc. however, that's just stereotypical and unrealistic, to be frank- only few people my age know what they're doing, and the others including myself, well, we need to get into a creative mindset. i don't think there's enough employe openings in mcdonalds for all of us.

now, i'm not completely clueless. i suppose i do have interests: photography, writing, film. but that is all unrecognised talent; apparently people would rather be screaming amongst others, edging on their school team at a football match than being in a more relaxed, chilled out environment. that's fine, i am all for people having opposed opinions- i just wish more people would appreciate the things they often miss. but most people don't, so that's why- with the encouragement from my mum- i decided to take up swimming, to fit in with the crowd.

swimming has benefited me, of course. i am healthier, in a good friendship group, and i don't exactly have to worry about bullying. 

however, times like these, walking home after swimming practice on a sunday, wasn't particularly my favourite thing to do. with a bag weighing down on my back, flat hair and exhausted limbs, i was essentially a zombie making its way downtown. i have never craved coffee, netflix and my bed so much in my entire existence. the thought had me practically drooling.

turning a corner, i could see that my house was in view. i sighed in relief- looking upwards to thank the heavens. determined to get there before i inevitably pass out, i hurried my pace, getting my keys out as i did so. maybe it was out of anxiety, but i always had a habit of triple checking things, getting things out before necessary, and compulsory flinching whenever someone got too close for comfort. luckily there wasn't anyone around, thus i was saved from the obnoxious, judgemental stares. 

finally, i made my way through my front garden, and into my house after unlocking the door quickly. i dropped my bag next to the staircase; however i underestimated how heavy the bag actually was, as it descended onto the wooden flooring with a loud thud. the interupted silence made me cringe as i stood there, waiting for my heart to calm down. 

"con? hi, hello- how was practice?" i jumped, hand raising to rest on my now furiously beating heart. nicola occupied the doorway to the kitchen, watching me with an amused look on her face. i mentally noted to get her back, and tried to play it off cool.

"i-it was great. i'm just hella exhausted right now, nic. you know how it is." i shrugged off, subtlety cursing myself for stuttering. 

"indeed i do. worth it though, right? i'm sure beth thinks so." oh lord. bethany. the girl who constantly clung to my arm ever since i joined the swim team. the girl who made up this fantasy that we were dating. the girl who left thousands of texts and calls that i ignored purposely. 

the girl who i can't stand. 

"did you seriously just- i- nic, you know how i feel- forget it. i need coffee and my bed right now." i said, moving past her into the kitchen. 

nicola followed, leaning against the counter. "i know. that girl would easily fit in with the plastics; why don't you just tell her that you're not interested?" 

i sighed, opening the cupboards and getting on my tip-toes to reach up to the shelf. "it's not like i haven't tried. she's so damn persistent: everytime i ask to be alone, she uses it an excuse to try and 'comfort' me." 

closing the cupboard, i furrowed my eyebrows and began to make my third coffee of the day. to say i was obsessed would be an understatement.

my sister sighed loudly, visibly deflating. "hey, atleast it's not too long till winter break."

i decided to not mention that my phone would be blowing up with messages, and nodded. nicola watched as i slowly stirred my coffee, making sure that it was just right.

"anyway, how's cooking going? brandon told me that even jamie oliver could learn from you." 

nicola let out a gentle laugh, shaking her head. "oh god. it's great, actually- although i wouldn't say i'm to that standard yet."

i smiled into my coffee, and hummed. "you shouldn't underestimate yourself, nic."

"don't turn into mum on me now, con. speaking of mum, she'll be back soon from work. and considering it's," nicola paused to look at the time on the oven. "9:40, she will be expecting us to be in bed." 

i didn't realise how late it had gotten. placing my mug in the dishwasher, i nodded in agreement. "yeah, you're right." 

we made our way upstairs where we whispered goodnights to eachother and split into our own rooms. 

after getting changed into comfier clothing and brushing my teeth, i opened the window slightly to inhale the cool, decemeber breeze. i found myself staring straight ahead into the window opposite me, and frowned at the light which was on. does that mean that people moved in? the elderly couple moved out a few weeks ago, and thank god for that. i swear, they had it out for me. constantly giving me looks that made goosebumps appear on my skin. hopefully the new ones are nice; mum will be around theirs shortly in no time, no doubt about it. she always wanted friendly, mutual neighbours to talk to; however, the previous ones made no attempt to keep up a conversation, and therefore mum was thrilled that they were moving out. 

the door opening downstairs shook me from my thoughts, and i closed my window. i settled on top of my bed, and placed my laptop on my stomach, opening netflix up. my sleeping schedule was already a mess, so why bother fixing it? 

as the first few seconds of 'transparent' played, i tried to forget all about school; about work; about bethany, and relaxed.