Midnight Toxicity

44.

Pacing the narrow strip of space between my bed and the window, I was a bottled-up storm trying not to break.

Emily had just left after clearing the dishes, murmuring about rest and hydration, but the quiet she left behind felt jagged. Chace still hadn't come back from the night before. No shadow in the doorway. All that remained was his absence, which felt like a bruise humming in the silence.

I sat down and pressed my fingers to my temples. Why do you care? I asked myself, knowing the answer already.

When my mother married Derry Veber, we were basically homeless, staying in the living room of another dancer she knew. Derry didn't care if Aria had an eight-year-old because he ignored my existence except when he could bully me.

Hit me.

Tell me no one would ever care about me because my mom was prettier. He isolated me to the point that I stopped caring about whether anyone loved me. It was difficult to grow attached to others after surviving his abuse.

My mother rarely defended me against Derry, often preoccupied with Teaz, the strip club I was introduced to during a period when I was just beginning to realize I would develop boobs. There were normal school hours when I met Jack and my best friend, Gina. Those two had gotten me through more childhood trauma than anyone should have. But I couldn't lean on people because my home life was miserable, and I was mistrustful. I didn't want to judge Chace too harshly, but I knew myself. Knew my insecurities would eventually freeze him out.

The doorknob clicked, and I froze.

Then he stepped in. Chace. Hair messy from the wind, shirt half untucked like he'd been fighting with something bigger than himself. His eyes found mine immediately, and the guilt there was a whole confession. A lot has happened over the week, so I didn't expect much from him.

"You look pissed, Hellcat," he murmured, leaning against the frame like he owned the air I breathed. "Cute, though."

"Wow," I snarked, sitting slowly on the mattress. "Look who decided to remember I exist."

He winced. "I know. I know. I messed up."

"That's an understatement." My voice cracked, and I hated it. "You disappeared. After everything that happened yesterday, you just... left."

"Aw, you really missed me that much?" He stepped closer, tentative, almost reverent. "I didn't want to make things worse for you."

"You already made things worse for me." My breath shook. "You keep promising you'll be there, and then you vanish the second things get complicated."

He nodded like he deserved every blow, which he kind of did. "I freaked out, Char. Seeing you like that, hurt and bleeding..." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I felt useless. And I didn't want you to see me lose it."

I stared at him, swallowing everything raw in my chest. There were many accusations on the tip of my tongue, but it was all useless. If I pushed him, who knew what damage I could cause? I only wanted him to know that if he wanted me, he would have to be at my side, not someone else's.

I stood, softening my gaze. "I needed you. Not the perfect, bulletproof version you try to pretend you are. Just my friend. You!"

"I was doing what I always do—taking care of our shit. Cleaning up after you." He tilted his head. "You're welcome."

My breath stuttered. "Cleaning up after me? We're a team, asshole."

He tsked, stepping close enough that I felt the heat off his chest. "See? That's the problem, Char. You wander around like a storm, and I'm the one who keeps the whole damn world from collapsing on you." His fingers brushed my jaw. The touch was barely there, but it burned. "And you don't even realize it."