Lost

Chapter 1

Picture above is Alex

Chapter 1

I turn in my seat facing with my back towards them, ignoring the balls of paper that hit the back of my head. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out expecting to see my brothers name on the lock-screen, but instead I see my mothers. Cautiously I open the text expecting something bad to come. But what I see is much, much worse.

Your brother died.

Anger flares within me, my fists clench hard and I'm pretty sure if this was a cartoon I'd be red and fuming. My anger disperses just as quickly as it comes and soon the walls are spinning. Standing up I stumble to the door before it gets any worse. The door attacks me on the way out causing me to trip and slide across the glossy hall floor. My back hit the lockers and out of instinct I pull my knees to my chest. A hot tear slips from my eye and after a few seconds I am bawling my eyes out. The world starts to spin. A horrible feeling rises in the pit of my stomach and I throw up. I pick myself up off the floor and stumble off and out of the school doors. I cannot handle this, not now, not ever. This can not be happening. I am full on sprinting out of the school now, out in a random direction, no idea where I am going. Eventually, I stop at the local park, and sit on a bench. Hot tears are spilling down my cheeks and they are refusing to stop. I rest my chin onto my knees and stare at the swing set. I remember when Ollie and I were eleven and he used pushed me on the swings. As each memory comes flooding back I start to feel sicker and sicker. I curl up on the bench, freezing, but I refuse to go home, I refuse to face her.

I must've fallen asleep at one point because I opened my eyes, rubbing them hard I got rid of the crust around my eyes and lifted my head towards the sky. It was pitch black and the park was deserted apart from a few stupid teenagers that lingered near the climbing frame. I couldn't bring myself to move.

"Alexandria, sweetie." My mothers bitter-sweet voice rang from the entrance of the park.

"Mother." My tone was harsh and cold as I spoke in her general direction.

"Sweetie, -" My mother was cut off by my phone blaring, I write sins not tragedies by Panic! At the Disco. I took it out the front pocket of my black leather bag and answered quickly once Kayla's caller I.D.

"Honey, you know I love you to death, right? Your my bestie." Kay's voice rang through my head. A rumble began at the pit of my stomach and I knew something bad was going to happen, I hacked over the side of the bench and vomit sprayed onto the once green grass.

"Alexandria, we can't be friends any more. You're a freak, my social status is plummeting because of you. I refuse to let that happen. Ever, Kaysyz Luv ya." Then the line went dead.

I couldn't breathe, my whole life just fell apart before my eyes and I didn't know if it would ever fix. Marianne, my mother, came and stroked my back. As if she cared. I knew she didn't but it was nice to feel. I shouldn't like it, but I do. When someone shows affection towards me, I embrace it. It feels amazing like I'm cared for. I know I'm not but in the pit of my stomach I know I love it. There will always be that feeling, though, the one that tells me it's wrong. That I shouldn't let my need for love control me, because someday it will hurt me when I'm broken most. Someday.

I got up and stumbled, my mother tries to steady me but I swat her away. I am not going to forgive her that easily. This is the woman who basically abandoned my brother and I when we were young and vulnerable, it scarred me for life, and I will never forget that. I start walking slowly towards what I used to call home. I hear my mother behind me, she's mumbling to herself about a fresh start and that. When we get to the house my mother grabs me and sets me down at the kitchen table, the table where my twin had made me some breakfast. A tear slid out from my eye but I fiercely rubbed it away.