Recap:
"Okay so I'll start at the beggining, don't interrupt me cause I might not have the courage to finish if I stop." I told them.
* * * * * *
The boys all nodded in a agreement, to let me know that they will not interrupt. I took a deep breath and began to tell them my story.
"At the end of grade 8 I was a happy person, I had received 2 different academic excellence awards, honor roll, and I was also president of student council, so I received the student council award. At that point my grades came effortlessly, I never had to study, I almost never had any trouble in any of my classes. On my last grade 8 report card I had all A's except for one B that I got in Art." I paused and looked around at the boys they were all really engaged in my story so far.
"When I started high school, at the beggining of grade 9 I still hung out with most of my friends from my elementary school. But as the year went on I slowly drifted apart from them one by one. By the time I reached second semester of grade 9, I only talked to Holly, and Heather.
"I started to feel like it was my fault that we all drifted apart, I had a lot of people say during high school people drift apart, and I know now that it wasn't my fault, but at the time I thought that if I had done something different we would still be hanging out together.
"I made it to the end of grade nine second semester, at that point I had never cut, I had never had any depression. I made it through the summer, no cutting, no depression.
"But once school started again, I was in grade 10 I had 4 hard courses first semester, I had Math, English, Science, and History.
"Everynight I would come home from the moment I walked in the door until, like 1:00am I was doing homework, almost every night.
"I was sleep deprived for most of my grade 10 first semester, as a result my grades began to slip.
"My science grade had the most drastic drop, I went from an 85% to a 52% over the course of one and a half months, in the same amount of time my math went from a 88% to a 65%, English went from a 84% to a 56% and history went from a 89% to a 63%.
"With my grades dropping so rapidly my parents were constantly mad at me for not keeping up my grades. I felt like a disappointment.
"So now I was both sleep deprived and slowly slipping into depression.
"When I got my last report card for first semester back I had low C's or D's in every subject, my parents yelled at me relentlessly that night.
"I felt usless, unwanted, incapable, unneeded, stupid, and a whole lot of other bad things. That night was the first night I cut.
"I remember it felt so good, it felt like a release, the sharp blade against my wrist, I cut each wrist 3 times and I watched the blood."
I paused in telling my story, my eyes were starting to cloud over with tears, I needed a tissue to dry my eyes so I could continue. I looked at Niall and he knew what I wanted. Niall got up and walked away to get a box of tissues, he returned a minute later handed me one and set the box down on coffee table in front of me. None of the boys have said a word and I appreciated that.
I dried my eyes and continued my story, "My second semester wasn't very shed at all but still every night until the end of June I would cut my wrists, at the end of June my boyfriend at the time noticed my wrists.
"He asked me why I was doing this to myself and I told him was doing it because during first semester I had developed depression. He told me that I didn't have any reason to be depressed and he cheered me up a bit, I came out of my depression during the summer, I was still dating the same guy and he help me a lot, but at the beginning of grade 11 we broke up.
