I walked into school the next day and went straight to my locker which was unfortunately close to Rachel's. My iPod was playing and I glanced at her through the corner of my eye. Before I could stop them a few hockey players came and dumped three slushies on her. I watched her gape at the cold and run to the bathroom. All my instincts were begging me to run after her, or at least punish the perpetrators. But I didn't. Of course I didn't. Suddenly a familiar intro can on in my iPod.
"Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man"
"Screw this!" I screamed and several heads turned. I ran to the Spanish classroom, but someone grabbed my wrist.
"Hello bitch." Fear overtook me and I couldn't move. All my protection fell down and shattered.
"Santana." I breathed and slowly turned around. "What do you want?" She pushed me to a wall and knocked the air out of me.
"We met in freshman year and we hated each other." I nodded but didn't make eye contact. "But we promised to protect Brittany! We promised! You promised!" I gulped and furiously I tried to get out of her grasp. I was so close to the Spanish classroom.
"What are you going to do to me?" I challenged. She met my gaze evenly.
"Nothing. Yet." What angle was she playing at? She wouldn't hurt me?
"Girls? What are you doing?" Oh that angle. Mr. Shuester walked by us and Santana released me.
"Nothing. Nothing at all Mr. Shue." She walked away and I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to the boyish teacher.
"Mr. Shue? Can I have a word?"
"What is it Quinn?" He asked walking past quickly.
"I need to, um, apologize." I said looking down. He turned.
"What was that?"
"I need to apologize for my behavior the other day. I was disrespectful." My walls came up and I relaxed into them.
"Don't tell me. Tell the glee club." He said, clearly not believing me.
"I-I know. I plan to. Can I please come in and sing." I wasn't used to begging but I put everything in it.
"Fine. But if you betray us again you're off for good. This is your last chance." I nodded and smiled.
"Thank you so much! You won't regret this!" He began to walk away.
"I think I already am."
----
"NO MI GUSTA WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE!??" I sighed and turned to see a stricken Brittany and an angry Santana.
"Guys, Quinn is here to apologize. She prepared a song?" I nodded Mr. Shuester walked back to his seat. The guitar intro started and I took a deep breath.
"Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start." Before all this, when I wasn't afraid of my feelings for Rachel.
"Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head." They were rumors and I cared more about them, then my friends.
"But it was not your fault but mine" I pointed at Brittany.
"And it was your heart on the line" I pointed at Rachel.
"I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my..." I glanced over at Mercedes who nodded her head encouragingly.
"Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before" like in the beginning of softmore year.
"Tremble, little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck" like how my mom had ruined her entire life by listening to what her husband said. Was it any different then me bending to the pressure of the student body.
"But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?" Puck, Sam, and Mercedes stood up and we harmonized.
"But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?" I ended the song looking directly at Rachel.
"Rachel, Brittany, I'm really sorry for ordering that slushy on you. I have reinstated the ban for the entire glee club. Mercedes I'm sorry for pushing you and being a bitch."
"I forgive you." She said instantly, I smiled then turned back to the club.
"Lastly I would like to apologize to Kurt." Everyone's eyes turned to him and he looked at me confused. "For calling this club gay and dumb. I know that you've been trying to get people to stop using gay as an insult and me saying it set that back a bit. I lastly want to apologize to anyone and everyone in this room who's gay, but doesn't want to come forward." They were all silent and I bit my lip. Santana slowly stood up and walked over to me. She was about an inch away and I got ready for a slap. I was met instead with a warm embrace.
"You sang that entire song to hobbit. I'm not an idiot." She whispered in my ear. I instantly went cold and she smirked finally pulling away from me. "You're forgiven Q."
"Ooh! Ohh!" I turned to see the blond cheerleader raising her hand.
"Brittany?" Mr. Shue asked standing up.
"Me! I forgive her too!" She smiled and I let out a sigh.
"Thanks Britt." She smiled brightly and Santana walked back over to her and they linked pinkies.
"I forgive you." Kurt said moving his hair a bit. "You seem genuine."
"I forgive her! Sure she's made a few mistakes but who hasn't?" Tina pointed out and everyone nodded their assent. It looked like I had everyone's approval except one person.
"Rachel?" She made eye contact with me.
"I-I'm sorry Quinn. I just can't. I trusted you, and you lied. I can't forgive you so easily." Tears began to fall and she looked down again.
"Please, Rachel I promise, never again."
"That's what you say every time. I'm not playing along anymore. I think I'm done with glee club for the day." She walked out and my heart broke.
"Please." I called after her, but she didn't turn around.
I walked home that day and it started raining. How cliché. I found that little slip of paper and ripped into 12 little pieces before I ripped those in half too.
She could go fuck herself and be happy with Finn or Jessie or some prostitute she meets in New York. I don't give a fuck. I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care about Rachel Berry.
"But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?"
I don't care. Tears fell down my cheeks, but I don't care. I don't care.
I hope she's okay.
