Taste (Scomiche)

Dreaming

"Kirst," I spoke, an urgency in my tone. "You'll never believe what happened."
"Mitch, it's, like, eight in the morning. What could have possibly happened?" Her groggy voice sassed me through the speaker of my phone. I poured my coffee in a mug, noticing the familiar splashing sound as it filled up.
I paused, building the suspension. "I had a dream."
"Whoop-dee-friggin-doo." Rolling my eyes at her sarcasm, I sat down at my island kitchen counter in my apartment. As I was about to reply, she went on. "I'm proud of you, Mitch. You know, very few people have dreams. You deserve a ribbon."
I sipped at the black liquid in front of me, testing how hot it was. The answer was too hot. "It's not the fact that I have the ability to dream. It's what the dream was about."
"Then proceed," she impatiently stated.
"Remember Scott?"
Kirstie sighed, already fed up with me. "Of course I remember Scott."
"I dreamt about him last night."
"Ahhh," she remarked in realization. "There's the good stuff."
"Funny thing was, it was all real. It was like someone took my memories of the relationship and replayed them for me. Every single thing I dreamt actually happened. I mean, at first it was faint and I wasn't even sure if it was Scott when I woke up, but now it's all flooding back."
"How weren't you sure if it was Scott if it's all your memories?"
"I blocked them out, Kirst. After he broke up with me, I did my best to forget about him."
"But it's been ten years since you guys broke up. Why are you thinking about him now?"
"I don't knowww," I whined. Now being twenty-seven and long out of high school, I'd hope I wouldn't be dreaming about my old boyfriend. I hadn't even been thinking of him much lately. Every so often a thought crossed my mind, but that was about it.
"Well, tell me about it."
My eyes closed, letting the dream float back into my mind. "I saw different parts of our relationship. Like, the important things. Like if you had to sum Scott and I up, those would be the things you told. It started when we met, on the way to the theater." A small smile fell upon my lips as my brain projected it onto the darkness my eyelids provided. I rewatched it again- the awkward, shy, blond boy asking for directions. "And then the moment I asked if we were boyfriends. Which faded into when I told him I loved him for the first time." Suddenly I could feel his arms around me again, just like they were when we were dancing at the bowling alley.
Kirstie interjected, "I remember that. You called me that night and would not stop going on and on about him. It was so cute."
I could feel a blush engulf my face, thinking about the memory. I had honestly left it all behind me, blocking it out. It felt nice to bring it back and feel some emotion. I had never let myself heal from the experience. "Shut up."
"Hmph, keep going."
"Well, then it transformed into one of our fights where we broke up. We were on and off like that. We'd have a stupid fight over nothing, 'break up' for a few hours, then be back together, since we really couldn't live without each other. This was the one fight where he said it was his job to protect me or whatever. But straight from there it morphed into our one year anniversary. It was so real, Kirst. I can still feel it. I'm feeling how much love I felt for him that night all over again." I sighed. My chest was aching. That's how much I was missing Scott.
She actually was sympathetic, though. "I'm sorry, Mitch. It must be hard. Especially out of the blue like this. I haven't heard you mope over Scott in a long time."
I nodded. It had been a while since I had even mentioned Scott in her presence. His face had been in the paper, and I'm not proud to say it, but it broke me. Not seeing in his face in a long time, but then seeing an article about his success with him looking so damn happy hurt me. It shouldn't have, but it did. And like an idiot, I read the article.
Everyone knew Scott was an amazing singer. It really shouldn't have shocked me that he was getting noticed for it. He was moving up in the industry quite quickly, and though the article was pretty small, it described how rapidly his music had been selling. There was a little picture of him performing to the side. He really hadn't changed much, except he looked more mature. But so did I. I had lost weight so my face had thinned out, and for a while I had facial hair.
He had probably forgotten all about me by now. But, it was so weird to me that we lived in the same city. Sure, L.A. is gigantic, but that means somewhere along in both of our lives we made the decision to move there.
So when I read this little article about his upcoming popularity, I began to cry. That was the last time Kirst had seen me "mope over Scott". But I forced myself not to think about him because it basically pointless. A decade should be enough time to get over someone. Ever since Scott, I couldn't bring myself to have a serious boyfriend. There were dates occasionally, maybe a one night stand here or there, but other than that I hung out with friends and lived alone. I went to work a lot as well.

"I know," I replied. "I haven't thought about him in a while."
"Anything else happen?" She was actually interested now. Kirstie had always loved Scott and I together.
I thought back to the dream. "After our one year, it was the first time we... you know. Did it."
Kirstie squealed. "Oh my God, did you relive it? Was it good?"
Chuckling lightly, I sighed, "Yes Kirstin, it was amazing." I knew she was probably imagining it which made me uncomfortable, so I continued, "That's part of the reason I was so angry when he left. He took my virginity and everything."
"But he loved you, Mitch," Kirstie stressed. "I know you think that he didn't, but he truly did."
My organs suddenly felt heavy, weighing down everything inside of me like rocks. "How do you know? How do you know it wasn't all some big trick?"
"He used to talk to me about it. We'd have literal conversations on how great you are. I really never thought he'd leave you. He spoke so highly of you, I couldn't believe it."
The corners of my lips twitched up in a sad smile. I did the same about him. "The last part of my dream," I went on, changing the aspect we were focusing on. "was when we broke up. Like, from the time he asked me about graduation, to our talk about it, to actual graduation, to our last night together, to our last morning together, to him leaving, to me reading that stupid letter."
I still had the letter. It made me feel kind of obsessed and stalkerish, but that way whenever I thought of Scott, I could read that and be angry all over again. Though, the letter was so nice. He didn't want to break up with me, or so he said.
Kirstie stayed silent, for she had no idea what to say. I didn't blame her.
I sighed loudly. "I miss him."
"What do you miss most?" A genuine curiosity tinged her voice.
"It'll sound weird."
"I don't care, tell me."
I paused. "His lips."
"I see you go for the looks and not personality," Kirstie quipped.
"Shut up! No, it's like, we kissed quite a bit and his lips always tasted like strawberries. I loved it. If I could get one more kiss I'd..."
"No Miiittccchhh," she whined. "Don't get hooked on him again. It'll tear you apart."
I knew she was right. Of course it would tear me apart. I mean, Scott and I could've been something. A forever something. One of my favorite pastimes was thinking about how my life would be different if one thing had or hadn't happened. What if Scott never broke up with me?
We could've been together for eternity. We could've been still in love. We could've been high school sweethearts with lame stories to tell grandchildren one day.
If only things had worked out.