Remembering You

Prologue

Will you marry me? Four words. One question. So why was it not that simple? Why did I have a million conflicting thoughts in my head stopping me from saying yes - yes this is the question I've been waiting for since the day you said you loved me. You loved me...

***

The setting was magical - the rooftop amongst the busy city lights, as well as those hanging above the rows of empty tables, with rose petals scattered thoughtfully across the floor. Scented candles were lit in my path as he had reserved the entire space for the night. Just for me. He was wearing a black tux, paired with a deep red tie, matching perfectly with the satin dress that clung to my curves. We looked good together - more than good, perfect.

Down on one knee, his hands clasped mine, gazing up at me as if his surroundings were irrelevant and i was his only light. He was on edge, licking his lips nervously awaiting my reply. I was told you would know if you should say yes; you would look at him and think of no one else, and you would want nothing more than to make him your future.

Yes, i wanted this... but just as i was about to utter my answer, a nagging thought kept reminiscing at the back of my mind, reminding me of what was gone. This was the reason why, as he looked into my eyes with his heart on display, i walked away and left the life i wanted behind. Because of that one reason, i shook from tears while fleeing the building, locating my car and shakily getting in, rearing the engine to life. Tears blurred my vision, yet i needed this escape, because if i stayed, i would have fallen into his arms, accepting his love that has consumed me for the past 2 years. Yet there was a reason. The reason why im now speeding on the motorway, mind somewhere distant, with someone else. I knew who I had to see.

I laughed at my own stupidity through the tears - why was I here? This is not where I should have been. I choose now to follow my heart and not my head as I slow down and do a U-turn back towards where I needed to be.

Phone...

I search my purse with one hand, the other steering while I attempt to find his name...
One minute i was looking down at the number I needed to call, and the next i was thrown into darkness, my phone snatched from my hands and hits the windscreen. I look up in panic, frantic hands trying to control the wheel and feet forcefully jamming on the brakes with all the strength i had left. It was not enough. Thrown forward, the horn screams, piercing through the silence surrounding the car, before my own screams of terror get swallowed up as it lurches forward, wheels protesting furiously against the gravel beneath, skidding painfully down a ditch, before the car is thrown over and flipped violently onto its side.

Shards of glass pierce through the confined space, stabbing me in places too numb to even respond to the pools of blood marking my pain, with no sound left to express the agony. Each breath I took was painfully sharp, and as i felt my lungs give up, i used every last ounce of breath to utter the words i was so afraid to say. "I love.."

And then everything went black. I was hurled into a deep sleep i had no strength to fight against. No ability to utter anymore words and no strength to pick myself up. And that was when i convinced myself i had died.

Yet here i am, in the hospital room, 9 months later. I had no memory of who the people facing me were. Yet the thought that scared me the most, was that i now didn't remember. Not who everyone and everything was.. But i couldn't remember the reason, the reason I walked away, the reason that led me to being here, knowing nothing but of the pain i was in. But deep down, i knew i would be the only one that knew the truth. The whole truth.