The Kids Are Alright

THERE! RIGHT THERE!

"You know, I've noticed something about Alexander..." Anna mumbled to Joanna, looking inquisitively at the boy who was listening to Bartholomew tell a story.

"Oh? What's that?" Joanna inquired, turning their head his direction and tilting it to the side.

"He acts really gay."

Joanna furrowed their brows, looking back at Anna. "What the hell does that mean."

"Just, hmmmm. I mean, look at his tanned skin! The killer shape he's in! His slightly, stubbly chin, yeah, he's gay, totally gay!" Anna exclaimed, raising her eyebrows.

"Okay, now, let's not celebrate, all those traits could describe a straight person, too! He isn't gay!"

"Well, he is kinda the elephant in the room, but is it really safe to assume that men who wear perfume are automatically gay?" Celine pipped in.

"I mean, look at his coiffed and well done locks." Madeline replied, nudging her sister and motioning to his head.

"And his silk, translucent socks." Summer added, squinting at his odd footwear.

Anna took in consideration what everyone had said and had a realization that made her jaw go slack. "Guys... it's an eternal paradox. Can't you see what we're seeing?" She was met with only confusion. "Is he gay?"

Madeline rolled her eyes, "Of course he's gay-"

"Or European!" Suddenly a whole group of jaws went slack as this settled in.

Out of the silence, Ares joined in. "Gay or European, it is quite hard to guarantee..." he said with a strange sense of wisdom.

"Is he gay or European," Anna asked, turning to her brother occupied by his 3DS.

"And you're looking at me because?" he asked in return, not taking his eyes of the screen.

"Well, you know they bring their boys up different, in those charming Western parts," Joanna said.

"Yeah, they play your peculiar sports in shinier shirts and shorter shorts." Anna replied with a snort.

"Gay, or foreign fella... you know the answer could take weeks!" Summer added on, "as they both say things like "ciao bella" and kiss you on both cheeks."

"Oh please," Joanna said with a roll of their eyes.

"Gay or European, so many shades of gray..." Celine said with a sigh.

"I've heard the French go either way depending on the time..." Ares said, just as wistfully.

"Wait, wait, there, right there! Look at that condescending smirk!" Summer exclaimed, pointing at the accusing expression. While he nodded at Bartholomew's story, Alexander's mouth slightly raised to the right. "I see in on every guy at conferences! I'm leaning more toward him being just a metro jerk. That guy's not gay, I absolutely doubt it!"

"Truly an elephant in the room," Celine said with a nod,"and is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that facade is automatically-"

"-Ironically or chronically-" Ares chirped.

"-certainly pertin'tly-" Summer said with a bit of grumble.

"-genetically medically-" Anna added at last.

"Gay? Officially gay? Gay? Gay! Gay?" They all chorused at their own times, even Rodger slipping in his own quite "gay?" as Alexander winked at Pia while she walked by. This caused them all to let out a "dammit!" and turn when he looked to see the commotion.

"But he's so stylish and relaxed." Ares said when Alexander looked back to Bartholomew.

"And I think his chest is waxed!" Rodger let out.

"You all must remember though, they bring their boy's up different there! It's very culturally diverse!"

"Yeah, is he gay or just exotic?" Anna said sarcastically, "If you're so sure you can crack the case."

"Like, his accent is hypnotic but his shoes are pointy toed..." Madeline said with a grimace.

"Well if he turns out gay I'm suddenly free at eight this Friday..." Ares said with a chuckle, sizing Alexander up.

"Wait a minute!" Rodger said, snapping every out of their surprised gaze at Ares, "I think I know how to find out!"

"Go ahead then, little dude," Anna said, nudging his back.

Slowly making his way to Alexander who was just finishing up his conversation and saying his goodbyes, Rodger finally asked after he was completely free, "Do you have some time for a few question, Zander?"

"I have all the time in the world for you, Captian 'Murica," he replied with a smile,

"So.... Alexander, how old is your physical form?"

"Around 17 years old."

"And your last name is?"

"Wyrzykowski. A mouthful, I know."

"And your boyfriend's name?"

"Clark- wait. I'm sorry, did you say boyfriend? I thought you said best friend."

Just then, Clark, who was just about to walk in and heard everything said in the questionnaire made an entrance. With a simple "That's bullshit," he made his way in.

"Wait, what!" Joanna exclaimed, turning to Clark.

"Yeah, have you seen his hair? His socks- hell, his shoes? Total homo. Has never swung the other way, a big ol' boy band cabaret."

"I'm straight!" Alexander said angrily, walking up to Clark.

"You weren't a few hours ago," Clark said in a bored tone," and listen, if you're scared to come out I can confirm you have no need for fear here. Ares is gay, Madeline's a lesbian, I can smell Annas and Celines bisexuality from a mile away, Summer is such a pan fucker, Joanna's just all around queer, and Rodger is obviously questioning. You don't need to hide from like minded people, dear, but I'm proud of you either way." And with that Clark outed everyone and started the biggest support group of LGBT+ members the UN has ever known. Not for being LGBT+, but rather for being both gay and European.