I remember clearly; for it was 7th grade in the year of 2014. I was only 12. At the time I felt like I had everything I needed. Every one was here for me I had a wonderful boyfriend at the time and I figured things could only get happier and better from here. But I started to worry, nobody seemed to notice for I kept it to myself. I worried because I thought my best friend and boyfriend liked each other. It hurt deeply and I was quite upset at that. But I figured nobody would do that to me their my friends. Then I became mentally alone. I felt so lonely. Even though I had what I needed I still felt as if I were alone and suffering by myself. So worry, loneliness, and anxiety took over. I pushed a bunch of people away, my best friend and I fought countless times that year. And later on that summer, my boyfriend and I broke up. Great. Now not only did I feel them things, it's also my fault that half the stuff happened. So I turned to the only solution I thought at the moment...cutting. I started cutting just once not even a cut more of a small gash at the corner of my wrist. (I still have the scar today.) my grandfather died that summer; he was 93 and died the day after his birthday...more heartbreak. Then the same summer I got into another relationship; BIG MISTAKE. Not only did I get played for a year, I also got manipulated and pushed around. My feelings were like "I gotta go with it or he won't like me." Overall nice person, sweet, had bright blue eyes, but he was just...no. At the time I should've really been thinking "I need to lose this guy before I get hurt." Well too late for that, we lasted about 6 months then he broke up with me. I then went rollerskating with a couple guy friends of mine and I left the rink taken that night. But what wouldn't go wrong? I was dating the guy I really liked since 3rd grade and who comes along? My ex. "I'm sorry, I can't live without you everyone deserves a second chance! Your so beautiful and sweet please forgive me!" And of course being the person who believes deeply in second chances I accepted and told the guy I SHOULD'VE STAYED WITH that we should be friends. I hurt him but I was too focused on the guy I took back, the one I saw myself with in the future. We got together..and what happens? We break up for the second and LAST time. We were together for about 8 months total. He called me a bunch of choice words, spread horrid rumors that never happened and are still being spread to this day; and he uses people. He's a player. And I fell for him sadly, hurt my ex boyfriend and the guy I liked since 3rd grade and still kinda like to this day. After the break up came the razors and the cuts. One after another I thought my happiness was gone. (Oh and at this point it was around June 2015. I was 13.) then I started thinking, remembering, regretting, but then I realized something. He wanted to do this to me, he wanted to afflict pain to see me crash even here then before. So I stood up, wiped them tears, deleted all photos of us together, and took my life back. I said no, I'm not going to let any source of pain get its satisfaction. I'm going to stay strong and not let anyone or anything bring me down. My parents are proud of me, love me; my friends feel the same, my pets are there to support me, my other grandparents are still here. The world isn't over, I just let depression get to me when I should've always stayed strong and stop jumping to conclusions when you already have problems to deal with. I started buying clothes that weren't dark, listened to music, read books, socialized more with my friends. And it helped. Whatever you are facing does get better. And even though it hurts; things happen for reasons and even though you are crushed, lonely, or upset, life goes on. And you shouldn't be moping around, get out there and don't give pain it's satisfaction! I'm not 2 months free from cutting, and the only scars left are a couple on my thighs and the first time I cut my wrist right in the corner. Thank you for listening to my story and I hope some of you will get an inspiration and Learn to fight against the pain also!
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