Our Little Secret (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 5

I think I am in love with Harry.

I don’t know how this happened.

But I hate myself for it.

 It’s been about a month since he kissed me, but everything’s so different now.

A lot had happened in the past month, I don’t even know where to begin.

 I’ll just tell you that the day after he kissed me, we hooked up again. But this time I kissed him back. And it was so amazingly perfect . But terrible at the same time.

 It still all feels like it happened only a second ago, as our lips entangled with each others, my sugar cookie flavor lip gloss fading off my lips onto his.  His hands on the small of my back, and eventually reaching lower to my bum. My hands clasped together at the back of his neck, trying to keep my fingers shaking from nervousness and excitement. 

I remember at a point I broke away to breath and I just blushed and looked at the ground. He was looking straight into my eyes and he said;

“I love you.”

And I just laughed, I didn’t say anything.

But I still just don’t understand why he would say something like that, when I know for a fact that he doesn’t. He loves Audrey. Not me.

But I just looked into his eyes like he was doing to me, and I’ve never seen him look so serious before.

 We kissed some more; our bodies pressed against each others tight and I could feel his heart was beating rapidly and that made me feel so much better that he was secretly nervous too. Or maybe just nervous about getting caught.

“I fucking love kissing you.”

That’s what he told me as we finally broke apart and headed back to class. I don’t even remember what I had said back.

And when I went back to class and opened my laptop he would message me “lol” with a winky face and I would sit there with a smirk on my face.

The funny thing is, I didn’t have any feelings for him at the time whatsoever.

I just really liked the feeling he gave me when he kissed. He was such a good kisser. And I didn’t feel like myself when I kissed him, which is what I liked. I felt free and wild, I have no idea why. Maybe it was because I was doing something I knew I should’ve been doing. Its not like I was doing it to intentionally hurt Audrey though. But she was usually the last thing on my mind when I was kissing her boyfriend.

Friday that week, Harry told me we shouldn’t kiss in school anymore because he really didn’t want to get caught. Whatever, he started it. And I didn’t like him anyway.

 About two weeks later I suppose, we were in the cafeteria in the morning before school started.  Jimmy Gwon, someone who used to have the biggest crush on me for, like, 7 or 8 months, came in and he comes over and says, “Hi Harry.” And sat across from me.

 “Hi Jimmy.” I said, annoyed at the face that he just completely ignored me.

 “Oh. Hi Mackenzie.” He says sounding surprised as if he didn’t even see me.

 I noticed Harry was flinging around a water bottle cap and Jimmy and I just sat there watching him, and my heart was pounding. 

What. I said to myself in my head, What’s going on with me. I thought as my breath felt faster and my pulse got quicker. I was only staring at Harry.

And that was how I realized I loved him. Like, more than my best friend kinda love.

Stupid, right?

The cap went across the cafeteria and disappeared and he walked back over.

I took a sip from my water bottle and looked around.

“Where’s my cap?”

 “That was your cap silly.” He said.

Cool, now I had to make sure my clumsy self didn’t spill my water all day.

 He picked up his green binder and said, “I have to go to my locker. Wanna come?” he looked at me.

 I knew what he was doing.

 I nodded.

“We’ll be right back.” I said to Jimmy.

No we wont. I thought.

 We went to his locker, stopped at mine along the way, and he pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket, which he does everyday just to annoy me.

 “Give me my phone.”

I followed him down the hallway and to the side staircase, which was completely empty. And we walked to the top of the staircase and he turned around at the top and looked at me.

“Wanna have another sesh?” he said, and slipped my phone into my back pocket.

 You can guess what happens next.

But I don’t even want to talk about it, because I miss it so much and it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

I cant even wear my sugar cookie lip gloss now.

 About a week or two later maybe, I told one of my friends that he kissed me, and then he confronted him about it. So he was not happy with me. Like, at all. He wouldn’t even look at me. But he did look at me once. To give me the dirtiest look ever that broke my heart into a trillion pieces.

 Audrey was super pissed, and so was he, and I didn’t want him to be. So we just decided to tell everyone that it was a cruel sick joke, but Audrey wasn’t suppose to know and it went too far. I didn’t care how much I had to lie just so he wouldn’t hate me.

 A few weeks later now, here we are, and I feel like so much has changed. I hate him and myself so much for it. I think I have felt every single feeling in the world just in the past few weeks. I’m questioning if this is love, maybe its just lust.

I may not be sure of a lot of things, but some things I know.

 A girl and a guy can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other… Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever. Of course this happens to me at the wrong time.