The Life of Justice

I Am Tired!!

I woke up today again by my father but when it came to going to the bathroom my mother was in there. Ugh!
I walked by her and picked up my hairbrush. That's when it started.
"No good morning again, Justice.  I swear you are anti-social with everyone including your own family.  You should become friends with that girl on your soccer team, she seems outgoing, also very intelligent and participates in her class."
"You Katherine Baos," I replied.  Katherine Boas; age twelve; personality: outgoing, intelligent, as sass, girly girl, drama, classy girl.  Not my type and anyway her and I are acquaintances only.  We can say hi and all but we both have no interest on becoming friends.
"Yeah, her.  She seems like a fun nice girl.  I bet the reason you do not want to be friends with her us because your jealous."
"I am not jealous." I said blankly brushing my hair.
"Your jealous about the fact she had HD once and HH many times for her GPA.  Also because she participates and ask questions in class.  And you can't be jealous that she hogs the ball as a striker because that is what they are supposed to do."
All of what my mother said is right but none of it made me jealous, the reason I have to keep my grades up is because they want me to be a perfect A student.  Honestly I didn't care at all. I cared that my grades were good so I could go to a nice college they just wanted to show others how perfect my grades are.
I sighed and finished brushing my hair and the brushed my teeth ignoring whatever she said.  After I finished I finally said, "I'm different in school then here."
"Different.  Did you just say different?  That is not true you are anti social and quiet the reason you feel that you talk a lot is because you hang out with a little group of friends.  And you are act like a asshole when it comes to the group of friends.  That is why you feel different when you aren't."
I gripped my hand into a fist with anger.
Almost everyone in my grade knew me, as acquaintces, disliked me, friends or good friends.  My best friends were the one I had at home.  Saying that I'm anti social at school is fully wrong, yeah I make act like a jerk but when it looks like I don't care, I actually do sometimes.  My mother doesn't understand me, that's why whenever she brings up the fact I don't talk about things with her and ask if I needed a therapist, is because if I do she doesn't understand or doesn't agree. 
I walked past her with a glare but didn't look at her, grabbing my bag and lunch I headed out to the car quickly since I was a bit late and listened to my music.  When we got to my bus stop I got out of the car and went onto the bus sitting in my usual spot.  I noticed the seats around mine were empty and so I stared out the window, Human by Krewella came on.  The sky was still dark and slowly the sun was coming up.  I felt tears go down my cheek, no one noticed since they were in the sits up.  I hugged my knees not caring if my skirt went up a bit softly cried listening.  When it came to the end I sang the last lyrics with tears lightly going down.  I knew if my life were an anime my eyes would look dull, lifeless, with tear going down.  I felt anger and sadness.  I knew I was different from everyone in my grade.  No one knows how much it frightens me knowing I'm alone.
When the bus got to school I quickly rub my tears and got off the bus and quickly walked into the school, my songs kept playing making me unable to sense my surroundings. I ran up the steps and opened the door to the second floor and walked looking down. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I stopped turning and saw the jerk, glaring I turned away and continued to walk. My earbuds were then pulled out hurting my ear for a second.
"Geez, listen when someone is talking to you!" I heard a familiar voice say and turned again knowing it was the jerk.
"Hmph whatever, I don't need to listen to you, now give me my earbuds back." I yelled. He didn't and stared at me.
"You were crying weren't you." He said seconds later.
"No I wasn't."
"Don't lie, I can tell, your eyes are pinkish like you cried."
I glared at him gripping my fist angered.
"What if I was? It's not your business anyway." I took my earbuds out of his hands until he grabbed my wrist.
"I don't care if it's not my business. Tell me."
My eyes widen and then filled with frustration, I pulled my hand away and turned running away to my locker. He wouldn't understand anyway if I told him, he'd make fun of me, like always, because he is just a big, class, clown, jerk!
I quickly put my things away turning of my phones and putting the earbuds in my pockets. When I walked to his home room I walked in and saw Elliot wave, I waved after and then said hi to there teacher. Then I talked to my other friends. I felt a presence walk in and stare at me the whole time. When the bell rang I went to my home room and chatted with my friends. No one else noticed the sadness in my eyes, how come he could. I was tired of lying, crying, being angry, sad, hurt, scarred, alone. I'm tired of being tired. I went to my classes soon heading to advisory. I listened to music and started to draw a anime girl close up.  I finished and needed to go to the bathroom, I put away my laptop and asked to go. Soon after I used the bathroom and washed my hands I sat in the hallway staring at my drawing.
I heard footsteps and still stared at the drawing, when they stopped I felt someone was in front of me.
"Tell me, tell me now." I heard.
"Nothing is wrong. Just leave me alone or be yourself, Troy, it's creepy that you keep asking instead of making fun of me." I quickly folded the drawing and heard chuckling and looked up to see him laughing.
"Wow, feisty as ever!"
"Shut up you idiot." I replied kicking his ankles making him fall to the ground.
"Ouch, that hurt you know!" He yelped.  I stood up and glared down.
"Because your a weak, class clown, jerk." I crossed my arms and walked away.
"Thanks for not helping, also how am I creepy when I'm asking something, it's not like I care I just want to know!"
I waved my hand off and kept walking. I got to my advisory and the bell rang for lunch.  I chatted with my friends until next class and chatted with the boys.  Soon school was over and I played shuffle, the song I Human came up again and I quickly walked to my bus feeling my tear kick in.  I bumped into someone and saw Elliot look at me.
"Sorry," I said.
"It's alright, bye Justice." He said but I saw him notice something, I quickly walked around him and ran to my bus getting on.  I hope he didn't notice.  Good thing today was a day off for school soccer.
I sat in my spot no one sitting around me again and sang the last lyrics again. I unfolded the drawing and felt my tears fall onto it.  I notice it was the feeling i had this morning.  Soon,I was at my stop and dropped off at my home. I kept the drawing in my sweater and did my homework thinking about everything that's happened.
I'm sick of being tired.  I just want to be happy and smile without hiding anything behind it.  Why must a smile mean silent pain and sometimes tears mean unspoken happiness...
I don't want to be lonely anymore and I want to be understood.  Except, I'm forced to keep it a secret..