22: THE WHOLE DAMN TEAM? (JASON)

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Photo above - Jacey's Twitter profile pic

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Photo above - Jacey's Twitter profile pic.

Photo at break - Jason tuxxed!

Okay. I know. I should've waited for Johnny to get up before I did any of that Facebook stuff. Before I took those naked selfies and uploaded them. I should have talked it over with Johnny first.

But I get so crazy. Sometimes I just have to do things here and now. I can't wait. To hell with the outcome. Especially now. I feel like I'm fighting for my life here. Who am I going to be? A dipshit wimp who lives my life according to the popular theory of how I should be and keeps my real life, and my lover, deep in a closet just so I can play football and be a sports celebrity? Or am I going to be a real man, a real person, a real human, and live my life as who I am – out, proud, authentic and free, and not hide my love away just to please religions, bigots, and homophobes?

I am so mother-fuck determined to be the latter. And I can't wait, not even a few minutes, to start putting it all into action. I want the universities to know who I am before they even begin any considerations. I want the whole damn world to know. I want the power, I want to feel the power in me, of being truly myself and fearless in the face of others.

It's like being on the lit-up football fields on all those cold autumn nights, the cheerleaders shouting, the crowds roaring, the adrenaline pumping through my veins. Ohmygod, the power within is so overwhelming. You feel like you can do fucking anything. You know in your heart that even if you don't win the game, you were out there being as strong and powerful and alive as a dude can be. And maybe that's marked me for life, but that's how I'm going to be – a man alive, being me, the real me and the best me I can be, and winning the game of life right here and now every minute as I live it.

I don't want to be a scaredy-cat loser, or even a winning celebrity who others regard as a freaking science project, always worried about what's around the next corner, worried about what I say, what I do, who I touch and how I touch them.

I knew Johnny wouldn't mind. After all, he feels the same way I do. And I owe all this to him. If he hadn't forced the issue last Friday, I'd still be that old fearful Jason, stuffing the real me and my real feelings, pretending to be someone I'm not, looking forward to a fabulous fantastic future that would be, in reality, nothing but lies, lies, lies.

God bless Johnny. I love him. When he's holding me at night I pray that this high I get being his lover never ends. That I'll always feel this way. That the fire burning between us will continue to flare throughout the years of our lives ahead.

**

I had started a Twitter account for Jacey and I needed a profile picture for it, and some other pictures to tweet out when we started getting followers. So, after a quick breakfast, Johnny and I took more pictures. We did a naked football selfie of him by the bathroom door similar to mine for his Facebook profile and loaded it up.

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