One of Those Nights

VII.

VII.

The ambiance since this morning was daft. Daft, daft, daft.

It was loaded with daftness, the morning. So the evening goes with it too, it's daft too. I wanna weep, and reap my heart away from my chest so I wouldn't have to feel this.

Becoming a bitch, was one hell of a shot. I became the bitch my friends aren't expecting.

No, they won't ever know.

And now, being the bitch of a guy's life has its perks.

Did Cali died because of me?

Cameron might had think the same but the blame shall be put on me.

I was the one who ran away, Cameron just followed, felt sorry, but if I haven't been that over dramatic, Cali would have been alive and still laughing, yelling and rioting.

I felt like the blame should be put on me. I felt like I'm the one who deserves to die. Not Cali, not baby girl 1.0, not an angel.

My heart was shattering when I saw Cameron panicking, shouting and crying. My heart really shattered when I realized the necessity of his tears. He loves Cali more than he loves fucking.

I rummaged my phone. Their photo.

The only piece of memory I have of her.

My brain won't process that she's gone, I only met her yesterday!

A knock on my door interrupts me from my thoughts.

"Miy. Cameron's here. Can you .. help me out?"

I'm no sure what he exactly meant of that but I nodded and stood out of bed in my pajamas and sleeveless.

I comb my hair, twitch it into a bun and made my way to the couch.

I couldn't smile nor wave when I saw him.

What I did was .. hugged his head, burying it in my chest.

Marl was outside. I can see his bulge arms leaning on the door frame. Perhaps, talking to someone over the phone.

My tears are streaming down. I bend to stare at him, his eyes are a sad shade of the skies.

"I'm sorry Cam. I'm really sorry. If it wasn't because of me, she would have still be here."

He raised his head and put on a saddest smile.

"It not actually works that way. Momma told me that it was God's plan and nobody should ever be blamed of it. She's a good kid, Miy, she's an angel. She used to dream of being an angel, now, she's one."

I bit my lips. If I won't stop crying, Marl will literally kick me in the ass.

I wipe my tears and sit beside him, clutching my arms at his back while his is on my shoulders.

"I'm here to ask permission from your brother." He said, nervously. "You ruined my plan!" He looks at me then laughs a little.

I pulled my arms away from his back and watch his eyes.

"NO! NO WAY!" I whisper-scream. I almost screamed. "Listen to me Cam, okay? You're forlorn. Okay? You just need your friends, a friend. Not a commitment. I'm afraid you'll only do that because you're sad and after you're sadness go away, you'll leave me. Fuck girls in school and leave me." I drop my gaze on his lap.

"Bullshit." He whispers, enough for me to hear him swear. "You're imaginative, really." He massaged his temples with his index and thumb. "I'm not going to leave you unless I stop liking you. I can't promise you that I will change. It's my lifestyle, the way I am. And if one day, if that's even possible, you'll like me for who I am, not for what I can be for you."