If You're Homophobic, then Why Are You Kissing Me?

Chapter Three: Ironic

"You like Suzaku." Lelouch wanted to deny it. Milly could tell by his face. Normally, it was calm and collected, but this time Milly could see his inner struggle clearly. The grin on her face disappeared. She sat down in front of Lelouch and waited, her worry clear.

Lelouch finally sighed and leaned his elbows on his knees. "I already know you know, so there's no point trying to deny it." He had been staring at the floor when he spoke, but now he looked up at Milly. "I do like him," he admitted after a moment hesitation.

Milly nodded, saying, "This explains why you denied Shirley when she asked you out. But why would you... well, wait for him?"

The hurt, defeated expression that passed his face nearly broke Milly's heart. "He'd been homophobic since I'd met him," Lelouch began, but Milly interrupted him.

"How about you tell me the story first," Milly said softly, resting her hand on his arm. "Tell me when you first knew you liked him."

Lelouch nodded, swallowing. By now, he'd normally close down and tell the person to mind their own business. Milly was different though; she was his oldest friend. Besides... he wanted to tell her.

"After Suzaku and I were friends, we'd do a lot to together. He loved to explore, so he'd invite me and Nunnally would come along to; she always loved to ride on Suzaku's back." For a moment, Milly smiled, but it faded quickly.

Lelouch continued. "This one 'adventure' we were doing would take days. Suzaku told me so, so we packed food and some equipment and then we headed out. The first day, we made a lot of progress, but I made it slower than normal. We had gone through three fields and were half way into a forest. I wasn't going to say I was exhausted, but Suzaku could tell. So he forced me to stop, set Nunnally carefully on the ground, and we set up camp. There was a nice fire and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. We ate and told old campfire stories until we decided to go to bed. We had a tent up and Suzaku and I decided Nunnally should sleep between us. So we settled in, and said our good nights. I had put my arm around Nunnally and planned to close my eyes when I felt my hand brush Suzaku's. I knew it was his by how it felt; it was roughened from hard labor. But he couldn't tell it was my hand he was touching, so he assumed it was Nunnally's and held it." Lelouch frowned, pausing in his story.

"What is it?" Milly wondered, curious as to what had happened next.

"I couldn't find a logically explanation to why I didn't pull away. I knew Suzaku was homophobic, but I kept a hold on his hand until I was asleep." Lelouch swallowed again. "It finally dawned on me the next night why I didn't pull away. Nunnally had fallen asleep, but Suzaku and I weren't tired yet. We were all lying in a field without the tent; it was a hot summer's night, perfect for sleeping out under the stars. To allow Nunnally her rest, we moved away and Suzaku began to tell me a story about the stars. We were lying so close, much closer than what Suzaku normally allowed and I really enjoyed it for some reason. We accidentally fell asleep during the story. When I woke up early morning and I was cuddling up next to him, I finally realized I liked him."

At this point, Lelouch tried to shrug casually. "The feelings weren't going away, even when we were separated. I guess I kind of hoped his fear would go away."

At the end of his explanation, it was obvious Lelouch was embarrassed. But Milly, she found it to be a cute little tale. Milly smiled and she squeezed his arm.

"That was so cute, Lelouch," she giggled, but her giggle died quickly. "But don't be discouraged. There's always a chance you'll end up with him. If you try hard enough, that is." She smiled again. "Well, I've got to get going. I'm meeting up with Kallen before lunch is over."