Living A Lie

Chapter 3

After I turned nine things started to mellow out a by. I became use to the daily chores and beatings. I became use to being In the dark. That was the year I also got my first panic attack.

It was in the summer when I was outside with my dad swimming. I didn't want to swim as it was but I was told I had to. He told me I had to stay in the pool and I wasn't allowed to get out, but the problem is he left. I was alone. It's not like I wasn't use to being alone but this was different. A memory was resurfaced.

It was when I was six and we went to an amusement park. My father was watching me at a water park. Mind we were only there for business. Well my dad told me to go down a specific slide and I of course thought nothing of it and listened. I remember being dropped in eight feel of water, a little six year old who could not swim. There was no life guard and I started to take in water. No one saved me except me. As I sank to the bottom I was able to reach the ladder they had that went to the bottom and I forced my self to find the strength to pull myself up. When I got back to the top no one was around except one person, my dad. He was laughing. He wasn't concerned but laughing. He called me a stupid idiot. The words echoed in my mind "Lily you stupid idiot."

I then remembered where I was and started to panic alone in a pool the words echoing in my head. The panic attack almost caused me to drown. I finally had enough sense to get out and take the punishment I knew was to come.

I finally started o realize that maybe my dad didn't want me. I felt like I was unwanted and pice of trash. That I could be thrown away and no one would care. I felt no one loved me. This was the first time I realized maybe my dad was lying to me. Maybe he didn't want me. Maybe this wasn't normal. Maybe he was hiding the truth not just from the world but my family.

I started to realize it was only me who was punished. Only me who was always told no and shot down. Only me who actually had to work. Everyone else was allowed off the hook and were allowed to go see friends but I wasn't. But why? After all I was only a child. But why was I being lied to?

Later that year is when my father finally did the unthinkable. Something I never imagined would happen to me. I still was pure. My thoughts and all but something happened that changed it all.