Within Me - You

CHAPTER #18

CHAPTER #18

[Keira's POV']

We stayed longer than ever. Glued to the monitors trying to ooze out everything we could. Voices faded in the corridors, the elevators opened and closed with dull mechanical chimes. As we stood in silence waiting for the door to open for us one last time I noticed Rowen's eyes lingering, taking in everything and nothing all at once like he was still trying to solve something he can't name yet.

Streetlights smeared together across the car windows with the streaks of gold and white as I rode back home. The colours and light slowly faded into a shallow darkness as I enter the lane that take me straight to my home. By the time I reached my bones turned heavier than my body can carry, thoughts moving slower like wading through deep water.

I unlocked the door and quietly stepped inside and the darkness greeted me first. The apartment sat still around me, wrapped in shadows and the faint glow leaking through the windows from the city outside. Through the darkness I saw her silhouette.

Lena sat on the dining chair facing the side leaning on the table but slowly pushing back to the chair like she was acknowledging my arrival. Her fingers lazily trace the surface of the table. My body automatically stopped when I laid my eyes on her. Part of me feels assured, how she made this darkness comfortable than the light. Part of me felt scared, jittery and confused. I had no idea what makes my life better anymore- her presence or absence.

I let myself bend down against the wall opposite the table, pressing my back against the wall. A tired sigh escaped my mouth, echoing against the walls. My knees bent slightly as I rested my arms over them, head tipping back.

Across from me, Lena stayed quiet, facing away like she was afraid even a little movement would disturb something. She didn't look at me at all, neither did I. Time stretched strangely in silence. Minutes stopped being measurable. Everything slowed until even lifting my head felt unnecessary. I let my eyes fall shut for a second.

"Youre here." My voice came out as a creak.

"Y...yeah."

It was so hard to understand how I was feeling. I didn't know I was furious, or relieved? Was I frightened or perplexed?

"Where were you?"

"I was around." Her body shifted, then I could feel her watching me. Her eyes were fixed on me trying to find something.

"Can I ask you something?" I finally looked at her confounded brown eyes. She nodded her head before I could even complete my question.

"Have I known you for longer or have you known me for longer?"

Her head tilted down a little as she gave out a blue smile.

"Well, I think it was me." her hand came together clasping tightly. "I remember you from the time your family died. I was there. I noticed all your emotions, I've felt all the agony, all of the grief even though it wasn't mine to begin with but it strangely felt familiar.
And...I was there when you were a kid.That one time you got hit by your father until you collapsed. But I couldn't do anything back then. I was not able to save you. I was snared somewhere inside you and you didn't let me out."

My stomach was tied up in knots. I felt the cold sweats dripping down from the corners of my forehead. I try to evoke those memories. My eyes stayed fixed somewhere on the floor but I wasn't seeing the apartment anymore.

I remembered the voice first, his voice. Then the smell. It smelled like smoke and rain. I remembered his eyes. The eyes which were already angry before he even looked at me. How the volatility etched into the harsh lines of his face.