disasterology // l.s.

| 01 |

    They stared at each other, into each other's eyes, into the other's soul, where their hearts lay. One beat fast, beautifully nervous as it swelled with love - too much love, it seemed, but that was okay. So fragile, the green-eyed heart was, as it seemed to be only a hair away from bursting, but so strong, the heart was, in the love it was drunk off of.

"I love you," said the green eyes, the heart growing even more. No one, the green eyes felt, not a soul, would understand just how deeply he felt for the heart he stared into. He doubted that even the other's heart even felt as strongly as he did. Oh, how he would hate to be right.

The blue-eyed heart opposite he, was small, as small as the body it lay in. Not nearly as big as the green-eyed heart, no – not even close. It beat fast, though, but much faster than the green-eyed heart. The tragedy here was that, it was not love that the blue-eyed hear was filled with, like the green-eyed heart so richly felt, but anxiety. Pure, gut-wrenching anxiety, because the blue-eyed heart was at a loss for words. Its tongue was not tied, but instead, blank. How could one confess their love for the one they felt not a single thing towards?

So, the blue-eyed heart smiled, it smiled the best it could. It's smile was so fake that it the green-eyed heart almost flinched inside the body it harbored in, and suddenly the green-eyed heart beat faster, faster, faster, because it knew. It knew what the heart it longed for truly felt, and it ever so hoped it was wrong.

"Louis?" The green-eyed heart called to its lover, hoping that the old heart that used to beat faster and faster – the way it used to – was somewhere in the soul of the boy who felt nothing at all.

"Harry, I..." Louis began, but he could not finish his sentence still looking into Harry's eyes, into his heart, that seemed to have anchored him down. Louis was not to blame here – it was his heart that chose not to beat like a drum for Harry's swollen heart, and he could not control that. It had beat slowly, calmly, for months until Harry finally had to know, because Harry's heart sensed something was amiss, and it was hurting him. He needed to know if the love of his life still loved him like he did.

Now, he was missing the simple joy of ignorance.

"It isn't your fault... It... It's mine," Louis began, voice shaking from the way his heart beat for all the wrong reasons.

"Stop it," Harry choked, tears forming in his dull green eyes, "Just stop it, Louis." With a glance at the older boy's blank face, Harry finally understood, and everything came together. His heart swelled even more, but not with love. He felt his heart was going to explode. How much pain he was in, how much pain his heart sent thundering through every nerve in his shaking body. Had he done something wrong? Had he hurt the blue-eyed heart somehow? He did not know, and it felt like that absence of knowledge killed him in the worst way possible.

Louis watched the younger boy through his eyelashes, too ashamed to face him wholly. He watched his former other half squirm on the inside as his heart tried to get a grip, failing, but Louis did not do anything to console him. Louis tried to will himself to cry, to feel some sort of remorse for the obvious pain that was dominating Harry, but he only had a blank look in his eyes and his bottom lip was sucked between his gnawing teeth as he waited for Harry to do speak, or, maybe even just leave. But Louis knew Harry wasn't strong enough for that. Or, maybe Louis fooling himself, and wanted to believe that Harry would stay. With that thought, Louis hated his own heart even more, as he felt confusion cloud his mind.

Louis' small heart was slow now, but it beat hard, as if trying to make itself feel something it could not, because everyone knows, no matter how hard you try, you can never force someone to love another, and that was the horrible truth Harry heard over and over in his head, destroying any idea of ever attempting to win his love back.