Breaking Louis Tomlinson {Larry Stylinson AU}

Chapter Four

It was easy to forget how shitty Louis felt because of Ed. He kept up a steady stream on conversation that forced Louis’s mind off of Harry and his deadly words. Louis appreciated it though; he really tried to make Louis feel comfortable, and push the run-in with Harry off his mind.

“Harry won’t be back for a while,” Ed said as he handed Louis a heaping plate of steaming lasagna. “He usually goes to the pub or out to smoke around now.”

Louis nodded uncomfortably, his eyes glued on the plate in front of him, hoping Ed would drop the subject of Harry, but that didn’t happen.

“He’s been through hell,” Ed said heavily as they sat on the sofa in the living room. Ed didn’t have a kitchen table, claiming that he never had time for sit-down dinners. “He’s putting up with it the best way he can.”

“Yeah,” Louis said lamely. He didn’t really know what to say to that; was he supposed to pity him? Well he didn’t.

They ate in silence for a bit. The only sound between them was the scraping of forks on plates and their chewing. The tension between them was almost tangible.

“Harry’s really… distraught,” Ed said carefully, setting his plate down and leaning back. He gave Louis a long, scrutinising stare. “I want to help him, but he keeps pushing me away. Sometimes it’s best to let your friends fix you up, you know.”

Suddenly, Louis felt his face flush as he understood fully what he was saying. Ed was directly talking about him, about his relationship with Zayn. He could practically hear Zayn’s words underneath Ed’s voice. This was a warning, a lesson, a plea.

“Sometimes it’s hard to let people in,” Louis responded just as carefully. “Especially when you know them so well.”

Ed stared at him for a long time, and then gave a small sigh. He folded his hands on his lap, biting his lip like he didn’t know how to continue.

“That’s the point, though,” he said clearly. “People that know you the best also know what you need.”

“What if all Harry needs is space?” Louis answered quietly. “What if he needs to figure this out himself?”

“True,” Ed nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve done my best with him, and I still love him loads, but I really can’t help him anymore.”

“Then what’s the point of nosing into his business?” Louis asked, looking Ed directly in his eyes. “If his way of coping with whatever is going on isn’t normal, why should you try and fix it?”

Louis knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t contain himself. Ed didn’t understand that not everyone wanted help for their problems, and not everyone had to deal with them the same way. And if Harry was going through something rough, and his way of coping was being rude and pushing people away, then that was his choice. Louis could sort of relate to Harry; sometimes it feels good to let your frustrations out on other people. Louis, however, took out his pain on himself so he didn’t hurt anyone else.

“Because Harry’s sick,” Ed said quietly. He breathed out heavily, gripping his hands tightly. “Louis, about five months ago, he attempted suicide.”

The words knocked the wind right out of Louis’s lungs like a blow to the chest.

Suicidal.

Maybe Harry was more like him than he thought. Wasn’t Louis contemplating the same thing only days ago? His handle on life was slipping like Harry, but for different reasons. He couldn’t picture why someone as effortlessly perfect as Harry would take such desperate steps, but he knew that everyone hid things… He should be the first to know. And if Harry struggled with things outside of himself, that was his business, and Louis didn’t want Ed telling him. Just the thought made him sick.