Imagine This

e(x)e(s) and h(o)e(s)

e(x)e(s) and h(o)e(s)

Don't tell me that they don't affect your future.
"They are a part of your past, not your future" they say. Ha, lies through and through. If it didn't affect your future, then it wouldn't matter what you ever did. It matters. People keep tallies. Love doesn't keep a record, but maybe it's something else that seeped through. Self preservation takes over in the name of love and that's when you realize maybe the person that you thought would always love you, might not remember your name in two years. The stranger in the streets was your best friend once upon a time and you remember a thousand stories with them but couldn't tell anyone that asked what their favorite ice cream flavor is anymore.
"Do you know that person? You keep staring at her."
You shake your head and smile softly.
"Just reminded me of someone once upon a time."
And that's when you realize that you loved just like that other stranger. You loved until it got too hard, but you had to let go. And that's when you realize that you had pushed that person to let go and sadness filled every pore of your being. You knew why they let go in that moment; you knew how that it felt. Crushed, you turned away and let the single tear fall. Everything counts in this life. The only one who doesn't keep count is God and you start to realize what He puts up with on a daily basis from you. You get a taste of the bitter betrayal and the pangs of hurt wash over you. How could He always forgive you every time you break His heart? Exes and hoes are a part of your past and maybe a part of your future but by the grace of God you can turn that bitterness into a new resolve to love through all like He does and speak and act with care. Exes and hoes can turn  into X's and O's and cease the hate and wickedness in your heart. Let God turn your heart and let His mercy wash over you. He's waiting for you.

xoxo,
Ella