Nico x Everyone

The Dating Incident

Nico goes to a dating cafe when he got a letter for a blind date, there he sees Komaeda.

Nico: FUCK! NOT THE LOOPY LIZARDS!!! I knew I shouldn't have trusted that letter!
Komaeda: haha don't worry Nico, I already have my waffle- I mean waifu...
Nico: Who would be bananas enough to want to-

Komaeda moves out of the way and Nico sees Komaeda waifu and a shiver ran down his balls.

Nico: A friggin bagel?!
Komaeda: shhhhh... Don't say that you'll hurt her feelings. She is precious isn't she? Right? Riiiight? Riiiiiight?

Nico felt slightly confused, did Komaeda really just get more bananas than he actually was? No, who the fuck was he kidding- how could anyone get more bananas than the ultimate Bullshit? Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse...

???: Hey,
Sally is that you?
Nico: FUCK!
Joshua: Hey Sally, did you get a letter too?
Bagel: Come to think of it? I woke up with a note too!
Nico: WHAT IN THE FLYING FRUITY FUCK!

At this time, Nico was strongly reconsidering his life choices when-

???: So zeta slow!
???: Wow, this place really is better than prison!
Nico: COME ON! WHO SET THIS UP!!!
Aren't you supposed to be crushed by Joushua's douche powers? And aren't you supposed to be in jail?
Adachi: Well, someone did persuade me to-
???: HOLD IT! *SLAM*
SHUT UP ADACHI
Phoenix Wright: What do you mean by persuade?
And where the fuck is Maya?
Nico: Calm your balls everyone, why are you all here? How did you even get here?

After everyone calmed down and started to shut up, they came to realise that they have all received a letter from a mysterious perso-

OBJECTION!
Max Payne: ehhh, ehhh, as I told you before Mr Wright, you need some proof!
Phoenix Wright: As you see Mr Payne, the proof is right here-

He holds up a small note similar to the one Nico found. As Max Payne saw this, his hair flew of as he screamed like a little girl- even higher than Nanako.

Morishige: Hehhh... He sounded a little like me hehhhh! What is this!?

Morishige was then thrown out of the cafe window be everyone in the room. Unfortunately, he died later....of obesity. He will be for ever remembered as the running Mor- just kidding. No one cared.

Phoenix Wright: So, with all of the evidence the culprit behind this is-
Sho: not so zeta fast. I have a question first why is the ratio of men to women 8:0?

At that point Komaeda kept from his chief and shouted
Komaeda: My darling bagel is a sexy beast! Don't underestimate the bullshit powers!!!

As soon as he said this, a fight broke out, the cafe was a mess on personas, taboo noises, beams of light and ... bagels?

???: You guys are so stupid! Where has all the Yaoi gone?!!!
Nico: Maya?! What the hell are you doing here?
Maya: All that time plotting this Yaoi scene and all you do is ruin it! Gahhh!

And just when everyone was learning valuable life lessons about crazy Maya and her love for dirty dirty Yaoi, a meteorite struck down on the cafe, killing everyone but Komaeda and his bagel...

Komaeda: What BAD luck that everyone was killed by a meteorite except me! Hahaha bullshit powers!

However the author could not allow Nico to be killed since he is practically everyone in this fanfic and so the author threw in a little someone to help rewind time with his magic ghost powers and save everyone... except Morishige because fuck him.
~~~
Maya finished her story and opened her eyes
Maya: and that Pearls, was the story of how I met Mr Kitty...
Pearls: whaa?..