Writer

Chapter 12

Rye

My head was heavy and my mind was rotting from the inside out. I held onto her hand like it was my lifeline and I wasn't sure I could ever let go.

Not that I ever wanted to.

Keeping calm was beginning to seem like a lost cause because everything seemed to be so fucking out of reach. Everything was fine, I kept repeating in my head. But everything just wasn't.

Paisley seemed like she was completely out of her comfort zone and she didn't seem to like my family much at all. But I needed her to.

I needed her to like them because I needed her to understand that she will be seeing them a lot more.

The girl was an angel and I knew that I was a fucking devil but that's why I needed her. She's always been so innocent and her innocence is what keeps me sane.

I stopped taking those damn pills when I laid eyes on her those many years ago but ever since I left for college and she was still in high school, I had to rely on those damn things.

They sucked.

They sucked as much as it sucked to not see her for an entire year.

My head was hurting and it seemed like my best bet was to take the sinful sedatives but I didn't fucking want to. Maybe if she looked at me, maybe if I felt her lips on my own, maybe she could calm me. Maybe she would make me feel okay.

I squeezed her hand a little harder until I found her wandering eyes on me. Oh Paisley, you're so damn innocent. I itch to write about you. I itch for you to write about me.

What does she think in that damn mind of hers? I hope it's of me. I hope all her thoughts revolve around the way I make her feel. I want to consume her because all she does is consume me.

It's her or the demons and I know very well I'd choose her over them any day.

When her eyes landed on my own, I let a sigh of relief escape my body. The tension left my shoulders and I felt myself leaning close to her.

Paisley immediately blushed and looked down, but I wasn't having that. No. I just wasn't.

Taking my hand, I placed it as gently as I physically fucking could under her chin, and propped it up until she met my eyes. Whether she wanted to or not, she was going to look at me.

There wasn't a trace of fear in her eyes, but I saw the way she cowered. She was frightened by my assertiveness, but I knew she could never get enough of it. Never. And I never want her to.

I crave her.

So damn much.

"Don't look away from me, Paisley. Your eyes are beautiful and I'd like to see them more often." She giggled and bit her lip and I felt my heart rate pick up.

I didn't want her to bite her lips. I wanted to be the one to do that.

"It's alright if you stare at me, Paisley." I said her name again because I knew how much it made her shiver. "I appreciate every glance you throw my way even if you're so shy about it."

She blushed even harder, her face becoming this deep crimson. God, she was gorgeous.

I'd let Paisley believe all she wanted that what we had was nothing. I'd let her deny her feelings, deny the affection that she's only directed towards me.

Because in the end, I knew I'd win. In the end, I knew that she would be mine and I could throw those stupid pills away for good.

In the end, we would be happy and I would be sane.

Paisley retreated her gaze towards the food that was in front of her, as Mason came rushing into the dining room. He didn't really care much about being proper or even the least bit considerate.

I laughed.

I turned to see Paisley giggling too. He was such a child. But she liked him, I knew that.

"Sorry I was late I just was playing with Cleo and you know Cleo she never gives up and-"

"Would you shut it, M? We are just trying to eat here." Kelly barked back.

I didn't know what the fuck was up her ass tonight but I really wanted to tell her to knock it off. She was freaking Paisley out.

It was obvious because I felt her tense under my hand on hers.

M apologized in a fit of giggles and began devouring what I believed was turkey.

The dinner mainly consisted of Mom blabbing on and on about what Granger college had to offer and Dad trying to get her to let Paisley speak. Which she wouldn't. At least not much.

"So, Paisley. How do you like college so far?" Mom asked, and I wanted to tell her to shut it, to let me handle speaking to Paisley, but I knew that would leave us in the same shitty situation we started in. Her being deathly afraid of speaking to anyone. Why was she like that anyway? Although I loved her innocence and the way I had to make out what she was thinking through glances and shrugs, it was kind of annoying.

I wanted to hear her speak. I wanted to hear the way she pronounced every word and the tone in which she said certain things. I wanted to hear the anger, the sadness, but most of all I wanted to fucking hear the love she held back in that beautiful mouth.

Paisley let out a light cough and stuttered. "Uh, I. I." She couldn't muster up what to say.

How fricken cute was she?

She turned to me, her eyes searching mine for an answer. I smiled and brought her hand to my thigh. She was looking for an answer and an approval. She wanted to know it would be okay. And I thought that was so damn adorable. Nodding, I brought her hand up to my lips delicately and kissed it, reassuring her of her many doubts.

"It's nice." She simply answered. And damn do I love the sound of her voice. Delicate and fragile, but enough to make a man melt.

"How are your classes? I heard Ryder is in one of them. Public speaking, is it?" She was prodding and I wanted to shut her up. But instead, I stuffed my mouth with mashed potatoes.

Paisley nodded and continued to push her food around her plate. The girl needed to eat, but I wasn't about to scold her in front of my family. They needed to know I was better, that I was okay when I was around this extraordinary girl.

"I like it, being in a class where I know someone. Rye is really nice to me and helps me through it." I almost choked on my food.

Paisley spoke. A lot more than she usually did. I wanted to kiss her right then and there but I knew that doing so would cause a scene. But who the hell was I to care what I did in front of others? Before I could stop myself, I dropped the fork that was in my one hand and pulled the other out of Paisley's. Using both of my hands, I grasped her face and pulled her towards me.

She was chewing something, gravy coating her bottom lip, and her eyes were wide with astonishment. I didn't even think she believed the mouthful she said.

But I wasn't going to let her speech go unappreciated. I let my eyes close as I pushed my lips firmly on hers, delicately using my tongue to lick the gravy off her bottom lip. Her gasp gave me an opening to her mouth and I found myself tracing her teeth with my tongue. Her shock was pleasant. She was pleasant.

I pulled away, smiling with ease as I licked my own lips.

She coughed.

What I didn't expect was her to get up from her seat and bolt out of the dining room.