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Ch. 17

GUYS !! Thank you for the 1k reads!!

And I'm sorry it took so long, prepare for another long wait after this chapter. :/

This story will get finished (eventualy) then I can work on my big surprise

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*Shan's POV*

Why didn't it work? Was I blessed with a curse? All the doctors are telling me it's a miracle, but I feel as if a terrible spell was cast on me.

The fluid that raced through tubes and into my veins was running dry, so the annoying machine beeped until a nurse came in to refill the bags. One in each arm. On the left, there were blood supplements, trying to replace what I had lost. On the right, there was a clear liquid containing anything else I needed to stay alive. I wanted to rip the needles from my skin, I wanted one last attempt before going into Intensive Care.

I was completely aware that I was not myself anymore. A small part of me longed for my friends and family, and a larger part yearned for Kellin, the entire reason I wanted to die today, and also the whole reason why I want to live. Hence the word 'want'. And now that I know it wasn't actually the boy I loved yelling at me, I wanted to be with him again.

I wanted to play with his coal black hair, I wanted to look into his ocean-colored orbs. I wanted to listen to his heartbeat when we lay together. I wanted to hold his small hands in mine.

Alas, I was still moving into intensive care next time the doctor came in ten minutes. I was only allowed to see him once. I had to sit at a completely different lunch table with nurses and other closely-watched patients, after being trusted enough to eat outside of my room. Special nurses were with me every minute of the day. There was no freedom. Only consequences.

Jaime had just left, giving me one of the best pep-talks of my life. Then Vic snuck in after, telling me everything that happened, and about Kellin. How he was only slightly schizophrenic, and that only when he was triggered did he become someone he was not. Apparently, his no-name alter ego was just a kid who didn't give a crap about the world around him, only caring about himself. He turns on anyone who gets his attention. Luckily, Kellin can snap out of his second personality quickly. Once he noticed what I had done, Kellin came back and got help. I knew he blamed himself. I bet he didn't even know I was alive.

What would he do if I wasn't alive?

I had one chance to apologize. One chance to tell him how I feel. One chance to hear him say that everything will be okay.

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The polyester sheets of my new "bed" felt like rubber against my bare legs. They let me keep the sweatshirt Jaime gave me, thankfully, and I could use my Ipod at lunch. Dr. Shomo let me know that I'd be having "visitors" which only applied to my family, Jaime, and with a lot of convincing, Kellin. I repeatedly told Shomo how good of friends Kellin and I were, and that I wanted to apologize and everything. He finally decided I could see him for five minutes, give or take.

My parents had already been in, crying and apologizing for saying those things. Honestly, I zoned out. All I wanted was to talk to Kellin.

I had been waiting too long and almost lost hope when Kellin didn't show. Before I gave up, a quiet knock on the door followed by the jangling of keys told me the beautiful boy was coming for me. In walked Kellin and Shomo, who nodded before leaving Kellin and I alone in the room.

I stood up, waiting for Kellin to raise his eyes to mine. He was looking at the floor, hands in his back pockets. After trying to catch his eyesight and failing, I sat back down.