There You'll Stay

Chapter 2

Soon after I acquired my Ana buddies and started a stricter regimen, my parents went through my phone after I left for school. Not a big deal right (although a huge violation of privacy)?

Except the secret Instagram I had made to get help to my stick to my Ana diet and work-out plan was logged in on my phone.

When I got home from school, my step-dad sat me down and asked why I was doing this, if I was only starving, if I had made myself throw up, if I had self-harmed, etc.

I blew off everything he said and refused to answer most of his questions. He later told me that my mom would also talk with me about it.

During the talk with  my mom, she asked me all the same questions he did.

Except this time, I didn't answer any of her questions, mostly just shrugging on my part. We just sat in awkward silence while she snapchatted her best friend.

After about an hour, she put the car in drive and said, "You know what? Since you won't figure this out with me, I'll do it myself. We're going to start looking for places for you to go to help you get your shit straight."

As we headed home, my annoyance at the situation started to turn into panic. I didn't want to leave my friends, my Ana buddies. I couldn't just abandon Ana like that; I was doing so well. So what did I do? I lied.

I made up some bullshit story about how I know what I did was wrong and I'll never do it again. She believed me for the most part and said that if she ever found out I was doing it again or if she even suspected I was, she would send me away. I said okay and we went about the rest of our day.

And for a while, I did stop. I was eating normal for bout five months. I was happy.

Then one night while I was babysitting my niece and nephew, I just happened to get a Wi-Fi connection on my Kindle Fire. I got on Instagram and as I was looking through my feed, I came across this picture that one of my old Ana buddies had posted. And suddenly, it all came rushing back. All the feelings of hate, disgust, worthlessness and loneliness. But, that feeling of determination came back with it.

So I created a new email, made a new secret Instagram, and found some new Ana buddies within the first hour.

And so began my anorexia.