Drunk - rydon/ryden fic

--6--

{Ryan POV}

"What happened last night?"

My heart sunk. I sighed. I had a feeling this was going to happen. He'd gotten too drunk, and now he can't remember a thing. He doesn't remember the kiss. It might as well have not happened. I suddenly felt tears pricking at my eyes, and knew I had to get out of there, and fast.
"I'll tell you later"
I mumbled before running out of the bathroom. I just made it to my bunk in time, just before the tears came. I covered my face in a pillow to stop myself from being to loud. There was only a thin partition for our rooms, one for Jon and Spencer's room and one for me and Brendon's, but you could still hear something if you really listened. But to be honest, even if the others did hear me, i wouldn't really care. not anymore. the pain of Brendon not remembering and probably not meaning anything he said last night hurt more than anything i had ever felt. so at this point, i really didn't give a shit if they heard me.

{Brendon PoV}

Ryan looked awful when he ran out of the bathroom. He looked so sad. I just wanted to hug him. Suddenly I didn't care about the drumming in my head or how dehydrated I was or the nauseating feeling in my stomach, I just wanted to make sure Ryan was okay.
I got to my feet, determined, and went out looking for Ryan. He wasn't with Jon or spencer, who were at the very front of the bus, so he must be by the bunks. I spin on my heels and head towards the bunks. I get to our door, but before I went in, I heard a faint noise.
Crying.
My heart shattered. I felt it physically get weaker. I leant my head against the door and closed my eyes, hand still clutched onto the door knob, knuckles turning white from the grip. I was so angry with myself, and so sad for Ryan at the same time. A tear rolled down my cheek as I heard another muffled sob escape Ryan. What did I do? I must have done or said something truly awful last night, and me bringing it up must have made him upset again. I internally swore at myself for being so stupid.
"I'm so sorry Ry"
I whispered before letting another tear slip out. I was about to leave, when I noticed something.
The crying had suddenly stopped.

{Ryan PoV}

"I'm so sorry Ry"

I froze.That was Brendon's voice. Even when he is whispering I can recognise his voice. Was he outside the door? How long had he been out there? Had he heard me crying?
"Can I come in?" He whispered again through the door.
I thought for a moment. I was too exhausted to think of an excuse.
"Yeah" I said, my voice gone raspy from all the crying.
He slowly opened the door, and stepped in. I looked up at him from my pillow, not bothering to move. He looked me up and down, legs sprawled across the sheets, my hair a mess, and my eyes red from the tears. He made his way over to the bed and sat down near the end, by my knees. I felt the mattress shift under his weight and I contemplated moving again, but I didn't know how long his visit would be.
"Hey" he said.
His tone of voice caught my attention. He was sad. Why was he sad? All he had to worry about was how long the hangover was going to last? But my thoughts were halted by his voice.

"I'm so sorry Ryan. I know I must have done something last night that upset you, but honestly, I have no idea what I did. I was so drunk I can't remember a thing, and seeing you like this, I don't think I want to. Please forgive me, I can't bear seeing you like this"

He sobbed. He put his head in his hands for a second, then wiped his eyes and looked at me again. His eyes and eyelashes were now wet, which made them strikingly beautiful. But then again, Brendon is always strikingly beautiful.
"Brendon..." I started, unsure what to say. Should I just come right out and say we kissed? Or should I lie? Should I tell him he basically told me he loved me? I didn't know what to do. While my thoughts were whizzing around my head, I almost didn't notice Brendon had placed his hand on my leg whilst he was apologising, and wasn't taking it off. It made my stomach twist. In a good way. A very good way. But I needed to stay focused. I had to tell him. But I couldn't look at him when I said it.

"Bren, I'm going to tell you what happened last night, but I don't want any interruptions. Wait until I'm done, or I might change my mind."

I said. He nodded. I then closed my eyes shut tightly, and opened my mouth and told him everything. I told him how drunk he was, and how I took him back to the bus. I told him how he said he had a secret. I heard him take a sharp intake of breath at that point, but I made myself keep going. I told him how he told me he liked somebody, in fact he told me he loved a guy. I slowly felt his hand pull away from my leg, and I stopped myself for a moment to prevent myself from crying again. He doesn't want to touch me. I clenched my fists to stop the tears from falling, and kept spilling out the words. I told him how I asked him who he loved, but he told me he would show me. I told how confused I was until he put his arms around my neck. I paused. I didn't dare open my eyes to see his face. I listened closely to find any clue to what he was doing, what he was feeling, what he was thinking. Nothing. Silence. So I carried on. I then told him how we kissed. I told him how I didn't know how long for because I was drunk too, but he passed out afterwards.
But what I didn't tell him? That I wished he remembered, and I hoped he would tell me he meant what he said that night, and I wished he would kiss me again, but not when he was drunk out of his mind.

"So there you go, B. That's what
happened last night" I choked out. Tears were spilling down my cheeks once more, so I wiped them away but didn't bother to open my eyes. I was terrified at what I would see. I just put my face into the pillow again. Nothing happened for a long time, he just sat beside me, not moving, not speaking, just sitting there. That was until I felt the mattress shift back to the original position, the door open and then close again. Brendon had left without saying a word.

And now, I feel foolish for thinking
that Brendon not remembering the kiss
is the worst pain I have ever felt.