intoxicated

five

"Maybe I'll get you out of my head,
  Maybe I'll forget all the things you said." - Maybe, Alina Baraz, Galimatias

I truly believe that once you have had feelings for somebody, they never completely disappear. They just slowly fade away, or you suppress them until you believe them gone. But I think there's always going to be a tiny spot in your heart, reserved for them. The spot in your heart that they filled, and as much as you might want it to disappear, it never will. Because no one can truly ever replace their place in your heart. You might not realize they still have this spot there, but when they creep back into your thoughts, that's when you know they still have it.

Or at least that's the only possible explanation for why I've been thinking of Jack so much since he picked me up. Which is also one of the reasons I'm extra excited about going to a party tomorrow. I'm pretty sure a few drinks will get him off my mind.

Friday goes pretty much like the rest of the week; I get up, eat breakfast and shower. I serve my time in school and when I get home I am exhausted from doing absolutely nothing at school.

I drink a cup of coffee in hopes it will wake me up a little, and by the time I have gathered back some strength I start to get ready for the party. After overcoming the usual I-have-nothing-to-wear crisis, I decide on wearing a simple pink skater dress with black heels. I don't bother doing my hair, since the brown strands are still mostly straightened from this morning (A+ for effort) and let them fall over my shoulders.

Stacey comes over just as I finish doing my make up, and we get picked up by Nick, a friend of ours that has volunteered to be our driver, because he doesn't drink anyway. Nick doesn't go to a lot of parties, but his girlfriend is throwing today's party, so he's kind of obligated to go.

That night, I drink and drink, just to get that one boy out of my thoughts that's been popping up in my head a lot again since last Friday. But nothing seems to really work. I chat and dance and stumble and dance and stumble some more and even try to flirt. But all I can think about is Jack and his stupid deep voice and how hot it sounded when it had that morning rasp and his brown hair that just always seems to look amazing and his legs and the skinny jeans he wears and how he's always been nice to me and came to pick me up when he really didn't have to and before I know what I'm doing my fingers are searching his name in my contact list.

Beep. Beep. Beep. And just as I'm about to hang up: "Ash?"

"Yeah, it's meee!" I say enthusatically. I am so going to regret this tomorrow.

"Dialed the wrong number again, huh?" He says teasingly. Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea, I think and hang up the phone. What am I doing? Like calling him is going to get him off your mind, Ash.

I'm about to go back inside when my phone vibrates in my hand. Caller ID: Jack.

"Heey, why'd you hang up on me there?" Is the first thing he says.

"Yeah. Uhm, I don't know, you know. I called you because I couldn't stop thinking about you but then you picked up and-"

"Couldn't stop thinking about me, eh?" Jack says and I can practically hear the smirk in his voice. S.hit.

"See, that's exactly why I hung up in the first place." I'm probably going to throw my phone out of my window tomorrow, so I can never-ever- call anybody ever again. That's a lot of ever's in one sentence. Am I becoming Taylor Swift?

"Don't worry, just makes this call all the more fun." He replies. So much fun.

"Sure!!" I say ironically.