In Love At 17

Growing Up

I've always asked myself questions like "Why do we live?" and "Why are we so weak?" Then at the age of eleven, when I got into novels and nonfiction books, I asked myself, "Why can't a child fall in love without... Without having to wait until they were adults?"

Now, if you think this is about rape or some erotic teenage fantasy, I recommend that you close this book. Please, that's disgusting.

I grew up as the type of girl who rarely crushed and can't help but to think that it was because I was so deep. I would constantly compare the boys around me with boys in books... I still can't find a perfect Christian. :(

I didn't socialize as much as I did then as I do now. Overall, I didn't receive much attention, so I wasn't even bullied. Even though I was the shortest in the class.

High school was practically the pinnacle of my life story. I spent most of my time on the debate team and the cheerleading squad (my mother thought that I should do more, and speak more). I was braver then. Now, I'm a bit shy, like I was in elementary and middle school.

Now, I'm moving on to college and fortunately, I'm still seventeen.

OK! Enough chitchat and time for the truth.

I like someone.

This someone isn't my first crush but they're the longest one I've held.

I don't know why I like this person; it just happened.

I work part-time at an internet café. Cliché but there's a lot of those nowadays. It still doesn't have a proper name yet so I'll just call it "there". So I've been working at there ever since my last years of highschool. I work in the café part of the place. There's a side for computers and a side for the main café. Now you know why there has no proper name. That'd be a nice though. There.

Most of our computer using customers are either school goers, geeks, porn lovers or hackers. Yes, I've met hackers. From time to time, I would optimize the privacy or clear the history and see some pretty naughty stuff. Students would usually cone to the cafe and chill with WiFi ;). But it's not free. We need pay cheques.

I met my crush here even though we went to the same high school. I guess mom's plan never really worked. He was with his friends, or that's what I assumed them all to be. If you still can't get it straight by now: he's a jock, I'm an introvert and I liked him, which is rare.

He was three years older than me which would mean that he would be twenty. My mom would think he was old, if she was in my shoes. His hair was some ugly brown or blonde or maybe mixed - I couldn't really know. I liked it anyway. His eyes were bold green, with confidence. His glare was creepy, even when it wasn't on you. I've never seen him without a shirt on and I'm scared of seeing it. His collarbones were enough to get your attention and keep it. He always had a dirty smirk on, like he always had an axe up his sleeve. His whole appearance spelt trouble even when he didn't mean it. I would always warn myself to stay away from guys like him, but it's virtually impossible.

I still don't know his name. I eavesdrop on his conversations but his friends only say stuff like"G" or "B" or "bruh" or some other self-invented word to refer to him.

I liked him since high school and it's been two long, whole years. I still haven't confessed to him and I don't plan to. I would never allow myself to be with someone as hot as him. Ever since I found out my feelings for him, I've been fighting pink cells, trying to get rid of them. I've been fighting for two years straight and my body's about to give in. I'll die of crushsickness. :'(

One afternoon, after a long day at school, I asked for the night off. The boss said yes but I couldn't take yes for an answer so I decided to hang at there for the night.

I was at the table by the window, with my head down and listening to some mainstream. I felt the presence of someone right next to me. Then I heard someone speaking. I ignored it, thinking that it was just one of those little kids who walk around annoying people. It got a little too annoying when I decided to go to the computer section. I lifted my head up and turned to leave my seat.

"Excu-" I was interrupted by a loud fit of laugh which puzzled me.

When they finally returned to sanity they said, "So you're just gonna ignore me now?"

"Excuse me?" I narrowed my eyes. It was bruh. "Oh, you" I said, as sarcastic as possible. "Sorry, but I'm not on shift right now."

"I know." He said with that smirk on his face. "That's why I wanted to talk to you." He paused. "You seem interesting and I think that you think the same about me since you've been staring at me a lot." This made my eyes widen. I think he knows.

I (sarcastically) coughed out a laugh I didn't know I had on my chest then said to him, "So you think everyone likes you, huh?" I rolled my eyes. This hurt. So bad. "Well since you're desperate, I'll make it quick: I'm Emilé Caitlín Bell and I'm not interested."
And with that, I stormed off. Boss's gonna have my head.

And that day was that day. A day, that I would truly regret.

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