Bucky Barnes One-Shots

The Cigarette

Bucky P.O.V

Bucky held the cancer stick in between his metal fingers, his metal hand trembling, not knowing if he really wanted this.

Bucky didn't know if he wanted this, he remembered blowing smoke into a friend's face at a bar during World War Two.

Bucky held his head in his right hand, "Ow" he groaned. It always hurt to remember.

So there he sat, on the edge of the bed, head in one hand cigarette in the other.

Bucky sat there at 4:14 in the afternoon while the sky cleared up from a rainstorm much like the one inside of him.

Bucky's eyes watered as he remembered the torture he went through while brainwashed by Hydra.

He threw the cigarette down, backing away from it as fast as possible and covering his mouth with his hands. As if that would stop the choked sob from leaving his lips.

Bucky held his face in his hands while he cried and all his bottled feelings broke free. In midst of screaming for the third time, his eyes opened and what he saw, or more like didn't see, stopped his breathing for a good fifteen point five seconds.

Bucky went through a coughing fit before regaining his previous breathing pattern.

Whilst looking around the room, he secured the perimeter and closed the blinds.

He picked up the shirt he had accidentally knocked onto the ground and gasped.

Where is it? He thought to himself.

Bucky scratched his head and his eyes continued to sweep the room for the disappearing cigarette.

Then, his eyes came across a picture frame he realized, the cigarette was yet another figment of his schizophrenic mind.

"Guilt," a voice said. "Buck, that feeling is guilt." It continued and my eyes watered.

"Bucky, look at me.." I shook my head 'no'.

Then the voice became angry, and Steve himself came into view.

"For once in your godforsaken life would you look at me!" Steve thundered, shaking my shoulders aggressively.

Through sobs, I managed to hesitantly look into his eyes.

His expression softened and he let go of my shoulders.

"I forgive you, for hurting me. Please don't blame yourself for, what happened Buck. That wasn't you, it was Hydra." He said with a sincere voice.

He held my shoulders again and embraced me tightly. I cried into his shoulder and he patted my back, ran his fingers through my hair, holding me tighter.

Then, like someone was taking a blanket off me, his warmth disappeared and I was alone again. 

"NO!" I shouted.

"Steve," I cried, running around the room like the mad person I am.

"Steve! Steve I can't do this without you!" I held my head in my hands, walking to the corner of the room and crossing my legs, facing away from the surveillance camera S.H.I.E.L.D. put in my flat.   

"Truth is, I need you Steve." I whispered to now no one.

xoadam