Dilemma (Slow Updates)

XIII

"Baby.." I groaned into our kissing.

"Yes Chris?" Kae giggled upon my lips.

I sighed rolling over in my bed, Holding her waist, I brought her atop of me. Looking deeply into her chocolate orbs. Does it make me less of a human that I'm the one hurting? Karrueche is all I ever prayed for. Someone to get it, and nothing more. All she had to do was understand. And she got it. Nothing more I could ever ask for. Only thing I could need is all that's in her. When I was down and out, and no one wanted to mess with me. When, everyone hated me. She was there. So how could I repay her like this?

"Baby, are you okay?!" Kae's warm hands held my face. Her voice and facial expression reigned concerned.

"I'm fine. Why you ask?" I replied.

She peered down at me. Her hair cascading creating a tunnel from me to her. She looked at me with the most sarcastic expression I seen in a minute. What is her deal?

"Babe, you know you never have to lie to me. It's me Kae." Karrueche's thumbs stroked under my eyes, wiping wetness.

When the hell did I start to cry?

"I'm crying?" I questioned, as I felt more tears race down the sides of my face.

Once I came to a realization that my emotions had taken the best of me and I squeezed my eyes shut as more tears flowed from my eyes. I began heaving. Sobbing, whatever you wanna call it. My arms immediately grasped Kae's petite frame, embracing her tight. My sobs came out silent, then after I caught my breath I began to cry aloud. She held me as close as I did her. I needed her to breathe right now and I knew she could sense that. I held her head in the nape of my neck, as I closed my eyes tighter into hers.

"Baby, you gotta tell me what's wrong okay." Kae's voice shook. I felt a warm wetness hit my neck.

I pulled her away from me, to see tears escaping her eyes as well. Why is my baby crying? Now my heart is aching more than it already was. Whenever she cries it takes a huge toll on me. I can actually feel my heart began to ache.

I glared her deep into her irises, tears daring theirselves to escape my eyes. My lip trembled staring into her hurt face.

"I'm fine." I muscled up to say. It took all the confidence in my bring to get those words out my vocal chords.

She shook her head at me.

"No, you're the fine that..lip's trembling, tears all in your eyes daring to fall, the one that bites it's lip. To keep from falling apart. And somehow by the grace of God, says a weak 'I'm fine'." Kae schooled me on myself. She shook her head at me in disappointment.

How was I supposed to tell her that I'm hurting because I'm hurting her? Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified? I recall Chuck Palahniuk saying. A wise man once stated, There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. Temptation did this to me. She was of the forbidden fruit, sweet taste with poisonous juice. Wrapped in golden melanin, dripping of a bumblebees honey. Something I'd began to prey on. Like a feline I was the lion, and her Giselle the gazelle.

"It's just, I was reminiscing." I spoke up. I wasn't lying, I did reminisce earlier today.

Thinking back upon the past and how at any begging second the entire world could turn against me once again. Hell, the world still is against me in a way. Her eyes searched mine to see if what I told her reign true. Once her face softened, I knew that what I told her was plausible.

"About the past?" Kae sighed.

I nodded.

"No matter if the skies are gray, and the earth no longer is livable for the human race..I'll be here-"