Zero Spaces Left

The true colors of pain

Chapter 1

Floating. My body felt as if it were placed in mid air, floating into place. No sense of sight, sounds or smell.  I used to think I had  nothing in me, but this was the true feeling of nothing.  Immune to pain and all emotions. Suddenly, there was a sense of touch and my vision slowly but gradually became clearer. My head spun and nausea was at it's peak. I felt my bare body shiver to a simple brush of air by my arm.

I could now hear sounds. All my life  I thought I had felt the true colors of pain, but no...this was it. This must be it. I felt myself begin to cry. The strength I didn't even know I had. I guess I'm stronger than I thought. I barely lifted my arms and sat up realizing myself in a hospital.

A doctor approached me.

"Ahh Ms. Paris, it's nice to see that you're awake. You were in terrible condition after your accident."

I felt the side of my head aching and deeply bruised. I cringed at the pain.

"I'm afraid you may not even remember, well..."

"Remember what?" My voice came out  in a very soft and straining tone.

"It's nothing too serious.. Thanks to our advanced doctors , you should be out of here and back to your foster home by tonight."

I couldn't even focus. My mind was so clustered. I remember living in a foster home, but where? with who? and how did I get here. I felt an odd feeling in the back of my mind. It was a feeling of uncertainty as if something was wrong.

At least 3 hours had passed and before I could go back to sleep in this uncomfortable hospital bed, I saw my phone on the table next to me. I turned it on to  a number of loud incoming buzzes. Most of which were text messages. I scrolled through a few before reading an oddly interesting one.

"Time will pass, and I will get my revenge"- Foster mom.

Were they planning to send me back there? With her? I can't even remember who she is or why she wants revenge on me but before I could think about it, I was on my feet running much slower than my liking. The hospital was crowded but I managed to find my way to the exit. I was so weak. I needed food for strength but I had no appetite. The nightly air outside was so cool and crisp. The fresh scent of the outdoors rather than that chemical infested hospital made me feel a lot better. I roamed around  until I was far away from the crowded streets of Chicago and into a dark, narrow and lonely road with old papers flying past my feet.

It was extremely cold and suddenly I wished I had asked someone for help earlier. Luckily, a corner shop was open and I entered seeking help. By this time my phone was dead and I had to ask a girl looking about the same age as me for a call. With slight hesitation she handed me her work phone. As my fingers traced over the button, I realized there was only one number I really remembered; and that was the number of my dead beat, low life father who sent me to that foster home when my mother died.

My heart ached at the thought of him, and how he abandoned me. As much as I hated him, I needed him right now. He was the only person I could contact and I was desperate.

I dialed the number I remembered in my head, expecting him to answer either drunk or just plain fucked up because that's truly how he is. But to my surprise, he answered calmly. I hadn't heard his voice in such a long time. It sounded so unfamiliar. It wasn't its usual old and rough tone, it sounded relaxed and cool as if he wasn't stressed like he always was.

The repetition of his "Hello?" echoed in my ear and for a moment, I was hesitant to reply.

"D-dad?, it's me, Addilyn."

"Addilyn?" His tone changed...not in a bad way, he just sounded surprised.

"Yes, I left my foster home a-and" I don't know why I'm tearing up. "I need your help dad. I don't have a home or a family. I need you" I sobbed. I guess  a lot of emotions were built up inside for this man who hadn't even been there for 7 years of my life since he left me when I was 10.

I continued, "I'm near where you live dad. You can come for me a-and we can be together again."

I heard him take a deep breath and I suddenly regret sounding so needy to this man who hurt me so badly.

"Addilyn, I don't live in Chicago anymore. I've moved to New York to try to become something. But you're my daughter, and I still love you. Pack whatever things you have and find yourself at the airport tomorrow morning. I'll organize a flight  for you. You won't have to worry about anything, I'll have a travel assistance direct you to where you should go. I'll see you tomorrow, kid."

Just before I could reply, he hung up. It took me a moment to process what he just said. Is he joking? How could he possibly have enough money to arrange all this overnight?

I tried not to think about it too much. Packing would also be easy since I barely have any clothes.

I decided to sleep at a nearby motel.

As morning approached I woke up,  brushed my hair and freshened up with provided soap and deodorant.  I managed to idle the day out until 3 pm and then took a taxi to the airport, where I was greeted by a man with a sign that said Addilyn Paris. This was all so different for me. I had never been to an airport, ever. My travel assistant made me feel a little at ease through the check in process. The whole flight gave me much time to think about how my father had changed. I wonder what he looked like now. I imagined all the happy times we may have together. We may even be able to reconnect our relationship, and build trust...but I also thought about if he hadn't changed. What if he's an absolute ass? What if he hadn't changed ? What if he still treated me like before... I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

My head ached at the touch of the terrifying bruise on the side of my head, unnoticeable due to my hair. I still wonder very often about my "accident". I wished my doctor had told me more. 

I had fallen asleep and was woken up by the flight attendant making an announcement. I looked through the window to take in the beautiful city that was New York.  It was magnificent. The lights lit up the city as if it were a giant Christmas tree. I had never been so happy. Maybe this was destiny, for me to start a new life here with big opportunities. I may even find...love.

I made my way out of the airplane and into the breath taking airport that was beautifully lit and complimented the sky that was as dark as coal. The air conditioning was on full blast and everything was so prestigious and professional. My heart rushed with anxiety. Yes Chicago is beautiful but a fairly poor person like me had never gotten the chance to really explore the amazing parts of the city I lived in. It was rather dull where I lived. No skyscrapers or bright lights which is why this place had beaten everywhere I had imagined I would ever live in my entire life.

I had never experience the colors of happiness, until now.