ROMEO'S HEART

Ethan - Lovestruck and Useless

"Hey, Holt, you coming to Shenanigans tonight?"

I glance up from my book. Lucas is staring at me. He looks completely baked, but by now, I'm used to that.

"What the fuck is Shenanigans?"

"It's new bar in town. Supposed to be pretty sweet. Zoe's banging the owner. She must be showing him a good time because he's invited all her friends to come and drink for free. Tonight only."

It's tempting. I'm kind of sick of my own company, and God knows, I could use a drink. Or five.

"Yeah, maybe." I look over at Cassie. Aiyah is sitting behind her and braiding her hair. They're laughing about something, but as soon as she makes eye contact with me, her face drops.

"Is Taylor going?" I ask, trying not to sound desperate.

Lucas shrugs. "I guess. I think everyone's going. You should come. It'll be fun."

"I'll think about it."

I do. I think about it for the rest of the day. I think about having a few drinks for courage and then pulling Cassie onto the dance floor. I fantasize about wrapping my arms around her as we dance. Halfway through the daydream, however, fantasy-Cassie pushes me away to go and dance with another guy. The image makes me want to lose my lunch.

Yep. Trust my brain to jump to the most paranoid conclusion possible.

I weigh up my options: 1. Go and have a chance of spending time with Cassie and possibly touching her. 2. Go and pine for her from across the room because I don't have the balls to make contact. 3. Stay home and imagine her flirting with every guy in the place, because if I'm not there, I'll automatically conjure up the worst-case scenario, because my brain is an asshole.

Considering two and three suck harder than a collapsing star, I decide to go with one, but I have to admit, I'm nervous. Cassie's been pretty cold since I pulled that stunt in the storeroom a week ago. I don't really blame her, but I don't know how make it up to her. I'm hoping tonight might provide the opportunity.

When I get home after class, Elissa has cooked dinner. She's a pretty awesome cook, but my stomach doesn't want to cope with food, so I skip straight to the part where I shower and masturbate to images of Cassie. I'm ashamed to admit that's become a thing, recently. And by 'recently', I mean ever since I met Cassie nearly two years ago. These days, I seem to be doing it way more often, so I'm chalking it up to it being my primary coping mechanism for not being able to be with her.

When I'm done abusing myself in the bathroom, I spend an embarrassing amount of time pondering what to wear. Obviously lack of sex is turning me into a girl. In the end, I go for the same dark jeans and shirt I wear every goddamn day.

Good one, Holt. She's sure to throw herself at you now.

When I'm just about to leave, I pester Elissa to come with me, because in the event I crash and burn, I can always delude myself that I only went so she could have a good time.

Unfortunately, it takes my tiny sister an hour to get ready, so by the time we get there, the party is in full-swing. Near the front door, Zoe is hanging off some thirty-something dude, and she directs us up some stairs to a private room where the noise level is less ear-shattering. 

When we get there, nearly our whole class roars a drunken welcome. Well, everyone except Cassie who looks at me like I'm a stain on humanity. She gives me a quick once over before going back to drinking what looks like the world's pinkest cocktail. Ruby's beside her. She throws me her usual ball-shriveling glare before also turning her back.