Sifting Through the Ashes

Part I: Chapter 1

          "Mom! I'm home!" Diana flung her purse onto the couch and slammed the door, wincing under the wait of the groceries she was carrying. She found her way to the kitchen, setting everything down on the counter before finding her mother in the laundry room.  "That place was packed. Everyone doing  their holiday shopping, I guess" Diana shrugged and leaned against the door frame.
     "Wouldn't surprise me in the least. That's exactly what you were doing." Mrs. Bryan smiled. The smile quickly faded to a frown when she saw the look on Diana's face. "What's wrong, Honey?"
     "Nothing. It's just that this is the first Christmas I'll be spending without Jake." Jake had been Diana's boyfriend since her freshman year in high school, and the two families had done Christmas together since her sophomore year. Something had gone wrong, though no one could pin point what exactly, and her and Jake were no longer together.
     "You'll be okay, Baby" Mrs. Bryan stopped what she was doing to embrace Diana. These hugs were always awkward, but Diana would never admit it. Diana was five foot seven, half a foot taller than her mother. Diana also had a slim build, and her mother, not so much.
     "I know. It's just kind of hard, you know?" Diana pulled away slowly. "I'm going to take a nap, okay? I don't feel so hot."

     "Okay, Di." Ms. Bryan smiled and went back to the laundry. "I hope you feel better."
     "Thanks, mom."
         

          Diana walked into her room and over to her vanity. She hated having her hair done up, but it would be worse to be seen in public in the mess she really was. It was a continuous cycle, day after day. Wake up, apply make-up, look happy, beat the day, cry herself to sleep. No one knew about this pattern except her, she even hid it from her mother. She knew the loss of a boy shouldn't hurt her so much, but he had been the one person she believed she could always trust.
     It was only in her room, by herself, behind locked doors, that she showed her true self. She sat down and began to remove bobby pins from the bun that laid perfectly against her head. With every removed pin a lock of chestnut colored hair fell in rings framing her face. She gazed into the mirror as she began to remove the make-up. Her make-up was the most important part of this lie that she lived. Foundation covered the dark circles under her emerald green eyes. With some sleep and some life in her eyes she would have been beautiful. She was always told as much by Jake.
     As soon as all the make-up was off the flood gates broke. She couldn't hold it in and she ran and flung herself on her bed. She had become an  expert at using a pillow as a muffler. Being strong continued to get harder and harder every day. But she couldn't let her mother see that. Mrs.Bryan had already lost her husband. She didn't need to know that she was losing her daughter, too.

     Diana cried for hours before she finally fell asleep, and even when she did fall asleep it was restless and hopeless. The dreams were there every time she closed her eyes. Well, not dreams. Memories. The day her a Jake met. The vacation she took with his family when she was seventeen. The one that haunted her the most was the memory of the day he left. He had texted her asking to meet up at the cafe a few minutes' walk from where Diana lived. She had been excited, thinking maybe he finally planned to propose. It would have made sense, after six years of dating. Instead, when she showed up, he told her that he didn't think it could work anymore. That they needed to part before someone got hurt. Little had he known he had hurt her more than any fight ever could.