Harlena Imagines (Harlena)

But do you forgive me?

I look down at the white sheet of paper. I read the words in my mind over and over again. Am I really doing this? Does she really want this? I grab the shiny golden pen that her lawyer gave me, pretending this isn't happening, that I'll wake up tomorrow morning realizing this was just a dream- no, a nightmare.

I look down at the blank line then to her. Her tears were running down her pink cheeks. She looks down at my hand, checking to see if I will sign this dumb paper. But I don't want to... But something deep inside of me is telling me to just sign it, to just make her wish come true.. To finally let her be free. I gaze back on the blank space and finally sign the damn paper.

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Styles. You are now officially Mr. Harry Styles and Miss. Selena Gomez." The lawyer grabs that cursed sheet of paper and stuffs it in his suitcase, leaving the dead house.

Selena finally lets her tears out, she finally moans her cries out, she's finally letting go. I sit still, staring at her face that shows evidence she hasn't been sleeping for the past few days. And yet she still looks beautiful.

Tears build up in my eyes realizing that, that beautiful face will no longer be mine. That beautiful laugh I hear everyday will no longer be heard tomorrow. That beautiful smile I wake up to every morning will no longer be the first thing I see when I wake up. That luscious body will no longer be wrapped around me at night.

She was already standing by the door getting ready to leave. I wanted to drag her back over to the couch and kiss her, make her realize that she made a mistake. But I can't. I'm too weak.

"You can have the kids on the weekends.. And visit during the holidays.. I'm sorry Harry.. It's for the best." She tries her best to speak clearly without hiccuping in between her sentences.

I don't say anything to her because if I do.. We'll just go back to stage one. She finally realizes I'm not going to say anything back.. Like always. I never fight back for her, but I always fight with her. Something I need to change but can't seem to.

"I'll always love you..." Bullshit. Why would she say that? She wanted this. She wanted to get away from me. She wanted to run away and take our kids along. She doesn't love me. "Bye.." She whispers and leaves this one damned house.

...

one week later*

"Shit." I mutter once I hit my head into the doorway. I just got back from the bar, just like every other day except ever since Selena and I divorced, my drinking addiction has been getting worse. That's why she left you, my subconscious says.

"I know." I reply back.

I was too damn drunk to drive back home so I walked instead. Everything hurts. Why does every inch of me hurt, yet feels so numb? I stumble my way into the kitchen.

Flashbacks cross through my mind. It was the night I came back from the bar after getting fired.

"Harry?!" Selena runs down the stairs, worried written all over her eyes. "Where have you been?" She walks over to me and helps me walk towards the kitchen. I don't answer. "Harry??" She says with an annoyed tone. I walk towards the sink and grab a glass cup. "Harry?" I turn the faucet on and waters falls down into my cup. "Harry?" She was now angry. I drink the water, mentally trying to mute her voice. "Harry!" She bangs her hand on the counter.

"What the fuck do you want?!" I scream at her. It catches her off guard, making her jump and immediately take a few steps away from me.

"Where were you?" Her voice softens but in fear.

"I was at the fucking bar." I take another sip of my water and watch her cry at how pathetic her husband is. "Stop fucking crying." I hate it when she cries. It's the most annoying yet saddest thing I've ever seen. She wipes her tears off her face.

"Why were you at the bar?"

"I got fucking fired Selena." I say irritatedly.

"What?" She whispers. Her tears had stopped and she was shocked. "I'm so sorry Harry. I-it's going to be ok." She quickly wipes away the rest of her tears and walks towards me, no longer afraid. "We, we can find another job." She softly smiles, trying to give me false hope.

"You don't get it!" I slam the glass cup down on the counter. The glass breaks but luckily it gave me a minor cut on my palm. She jumps back again at the sound of the glass breaking against the counter.

"Please Harry. The kids are asleep." She cries again.

"I hate this world. I hate my life." That was the last thing I told her that night.

I was a fucking jerk. I still am a jerk.

I walk into the living room.

"The guests are staring at us honey." She fake smiles to me as I give her a stare.

"I don't give a damn. Give me the damn car keys." I whisper harshly. I look around to see if people were actually staring.

Her hot blonde friend had been eyeing me the entire time of the party, her boss was trying to act oblivious to what was happening but it was obvious he was watching us.

"Don't you wanna stay for my promotion party?" She fake smiles again.

"You know I just lost my job a month ago. I don't give a shit about your promotion." I clench my fists. "Give me the keys." I raise my voice which gains more of her coworkers' eyes. She looks around and notices the attention she's caused, I caused.

"I'm sorry." She mutters. She shamefully hands me the car keys and I immediately leave the dumb ass party.

I walk up the stairs and into our bedroom, my bedroom.

"Let me go Harry!" She yells as I hold her body against mine. "Let me go!" She tries to fight me but I hold on tighter.

"I don't want you to leave!" I say with shame and finally let her go.

"You shouldn't have gave me a reason to!" She cries. She walks in the closet and takes out racks of clothes, putting them in a suitcase.

"Please Selena!" I cry. After so many months, I'm finally crying. "Please. I'm sorry. I love you. I'll stop drinking. I'll go to rehab! Please! Just don't leave me." I walk along with her as she walks into Darcy's room. She takes Darcy's clothes out and puts it into a separate suitcase. "No, not my kids." Anger rises. "You're not fucking taking my kids!" I yell. She walks passes me and I grab her wrist.

"Don't touch me Harry!" She pushes my hand away.

"You're not taking my kids!" I cry.

"Our kids. Our fucking kids." She turns back to face me. "Our fucking kids that I had to raise by myself because their father is a drunk and bipolar!" She walks away but stops, her back still facing me. "I shouldn't be the reason you need rehab." She breathes out and goes back in our room.

"No. No. No." I chase after her. "Please Selena. I'll be better for me then! Please!" I pull on my hair.

"Then do it. I just.. I just can't do this anymore." She looks down at the ground and starts breaking down. "I'm sorry Harry.. I-I just can't. I don't know if I love you enough to handle this behavior. You tell me you love me but I don't feel the love at all. If I stay, one of us is going to kill each other.. Or kill ourselves." She stops crying and looks at me. "I love you but I'm unhappy with you." She says.

With that, she took off with our baby Darcy, 12 year old son Edward, and 16 year old daughter Marie. A month later she tells me wants a divorce, a week after, we sign our divorce papers.

The flashback ends and I'm already laying on this empty white bed. I stare up at the spinning fan. Every flashback, Selena apologized. "I'm sorry." Her voice echoes in my mind. I forgive you Selena..

But do you forgive me?