Worse Than Death

Introduction

I sat up against my headboard and stared straight. My mind was flooded with so many thoughts, but one kept them all from reaching my conscious. I'm going to die today.

Homework, which I wasn't able to decipher since I came home, was spread across my bed. Graph sine, write an essay about the importance of checks and balances, read chapter 9 of Frankenstein - I just cant do it. Everytime I tried to start I was constantly reminded that it wouldn't matter, that I wouldn't be alive long enough for the grades to reflect my future. I had no future. The honors and AP classes didn't mean a thing if I had nothing to work for. Which makes me hate myself.

I hate myself because I have a life that others would give anything for. My parents are still happily married, they both have great jobs, we live in a great home, I have a new car that's fully paid for - and I want to give it all up. Everyone expects me to be the happiest person on earth, so that's what I try to be. That's what I want to be. But now this hopelessness is taking over. There's no point in trying to fight it anymore. I want it to be over.

I reached in my pocket for the bottle of pills prescribed to my mom to help her sleep. I opened it up and took five. I layed down and waited for the drowsiness to kick it. Then I took five more. I pulled the covers over me and stared at my wall until I could feel my eyes trying to force themselves shut. I used the rest of the energy I had left to take however many pills fell into my hand before I dropped the bottle. With one last swallow of water from my glass, the pills were gone. I let my eyes flutter shut as I could physically feel myself floating away.