Alex

1

Alex, you're my best fucking friend. I honestly don't know were I'd be without you. Probably dead, to be damn honest. I love how I can talk to you about anything and everything. You make me feel better about myself, and I just... I really love you. I don't just love you, I'm in love with you. I'm 99 percent sure, you don't feel the same, but y'know what? I still love you. I get worried sometimes, because I know that one day, you'll get tired of me. Everyone does. But you always swear you won't leave, and I think I'm beginning to believe you.

Remember that one time you talked me out of suicide? I'm so thankful for that, because without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. The happy, loving girl I am now. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for not leaving me, when my anxiety gets bad. Or when I'm super suicidal. Instead you're there to talk me out of it. I do have other friends, but honestly, I really cherish you the most.

When I talk to you, I get butterflies. The butterflies that make me sick. I'm not used to being this happy, or feeling this way. Remember when you and I made plans for the future? I cannot wait for that day. That day where I get to hold you in my arms, the day I get to touch you. I fucking cannot wait. You just make me so goddamn happy.

I might not be who you're in love with, but I'll always be there. When she breaks your heart into a million itsy-bitsy pieces; when you find out what she's doing. But y'know what? That's okay with me. It's what I want to do. I might not be your first kiss, but I sure as hell want to be your last. I love you, Alex. I really fucking love you. More than life, more than I care about myself, to be fucking honest.

The bipolar disorder? The ADD?
"My feels are going to be all over the place because of school, I am allowed to get sad, I am allowed to be upset, but I am not allowed to give up," You said it yourself. They don't make me care for you any less. Honestly, I think nothing will. Unless you turn out to be a serial killer but I still think I'd love you.

You always always say how you're ugly. To be fucking honest, no, you're fucking not. No, no, no. You're fucking perfect. Like damn son, can you stop with the selfies? My heart can't handle this. I'm not saying like "OMGEE, HAVE MY BABIES!!" I'm saying like, "If I was given the chance to be were you are now, I wouldn't wanna fuck; not like in those movies. Just sit on the couch and be in your arms watching a movie or something." But damn, I'm just a rainstorm and you're a hurricane. (John Green Reference)

This parts weird especially since, y'know, we're just friends, but that little kiss you stole? It held my heart and soul. God, I don't know why I feel like this. I just fucking want you. In the most innocent way, like cuddles and hugs and little forehead kisses and hand holding. I just want you. Nobody else. But you have her. Shes pretty, and skinny, and perfect... but I'm just me. But then why'd you kiss me? See? I just don't know. Goddamn; I love you.

Alex, I love you. I will always love you, more than she ever will. More than I'll ever love anyone. <3